


waiting for a sign

by A Magiluna Stormwriter (ariestess)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Female Character, Episode Fix-it, F/F, Female Character of Color, Female Homosexuality, Female Protagonist, Female Relationships, Fix-It of Sorts, POV Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 08:44:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 33,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5862103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariestess/pseuds/A%20Magiluna%20Stormwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of taking on the Dark One curse, Emma and Regina try to adjust to their new roles in life while learning that love isn't exactly what either of them has been led to believe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Foreward

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alinaandalion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alinaandalion/gifts).
  * Inspired by [all we do is sit in silence (waiting for a sign)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5354897) by [alinaandalion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alinaandalion/pseuds/alinaandalion). 



> Date Written: 1 January - 4 February 2016  
> Word Count: 33964 per AO3  
> Written for: [SwanQueenBigBang](http://swanqueenbigbang.tumblr.com/)'s SQBB IV: Four Letter Words  
> Based on: all we do is sit in silence (waiting for a sign) fanmix  
> Artist: [](http://archiveofourown.org/users/alinaandalion)**alinaandalion**  
>  Link to fanmix: [coming soon]  
> Summary: In the aftermath of taking on the Dark One curse, Emma and Regina try to adjust to their new roles in life while learning that love isn't exactly what either of them has been led to believe.  
> Spoilers: Canon divergent AU of the 5A Dark Swan arc, minus the Camelot and Brave elements that picks up as of the S5 premier.  
> Warnings: Major character death, some depictions of violence  
> Website: ShatterStorm Productions – Doggie Duo  
> Link to: http://bdkk.shatterstorm.net/  
> Archive: ShatterStorm Productions & AO3 only…all others ask for permission & we'll see…  
> Feedback: Constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> Author’s Disclaimer: "Once Upon a Time," the characters, and situations depicted are the property of Adam Horowitz, Edward Kitsis, Kitsis/Horowitz, and ABC Studios. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. This site is in no way affiliated with "Once Upon a Time," ABC, or any representatives of the actors.
> 
> Author’s Notes: This particular story has been a truly all-consuming journey for me. The idea has been in my head pretty much the entire first half of S5. I was hoping for some more Dark One history and involvement from that shady af Reul Ghorm, but that didn't work out as I'd wanted it to. That'll have to be a separate story, I guess. But back to this one. I have had serious issues with how Emma has been portrayed for a while now, which has made it difficult to write for her. I made the decision to alternate POVs in this story between Regina and Emma in an attempt to be more overarching in scope, as well as to try to fix my issues with Emma. Turns out that was a good decision as, for the most part, the longer chapters have been from Emma's POV, as well as providing a far more informal tone to her chapters. I'd expected Regina to have the longer chapters, due to my greater ease in writing for her. What a pleasant surprise to be proven otherwise. The location mentioned in Chapter 12, [Devil's Sea](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil's_Sea), is a supposedly paranormal location that is like, and linked to, the Bermuda Triangle. It seemed a fitting location for what happens in that chapter.
> 
> **And I tried to deal with canon as much as possible, which means that there are scenes involving OutlawQueen and CaptainSwan, but as these are not endgame, I didn't include them in the AO3 pairings list.**
> 
> **Please note:** Even numbered chapters are all Regina's POV and odd numbered chapters, excluding the Foreword and Afterword, are all Emma's POV. This should be relatively easy to pick out within the first paragraph of each chapter.
> 
> Dedication: My muses, for always being willing to try something a little different for us…
> 
> Beta: [**TheOnlySPL**](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOnlySPL) & [](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Shatterpath)**Shatterpath** are my heroes for their dedication, as well as for putting up with my wacky "what if" conversations.  <3

_"Ay me! for aught that I could ever read,_  
_Could ever hear by tale or history,_  
_The course of true love never did run smooth"_  
\-- William Shakespeare, _A Midsummer Night's Dream_

 

In the annals of time, thousands, even millions have waxed philosophical about the deep and abiding connection of two souls, two hearts, two minds. It has gone by many names, but the most prevalent have been True Love and soulmate, often to the point of being interchangeable. But these are not interchangeable words.

True Love is the very stuff of fairytales, of fantasy and predestined fate without a choice. Soulmates are a different, but similar concept, encompassing the very essence of free will and adversity. Both can be romantic, familial, or that of close friends. Both can be found in multiple people at one time. One can have a True Love and a soulmate, but the two aren't necessarily the same person.

In the end, all that matters is that we are all open to the possibility of both True Love and soulmate connections. We all have both, even if we never actually meet them. Sometimes the very adversities in life can open us up to the possibility of a deeper connection than we ever expected from another human being.

No, there is no book wherein all of the variations of True Love and soulmate connections are stored. Just as there is no truly foolproof way of learning to whom you're connected in either of these cases. Not all people have access to magic, and those who do shouldn't be using them as the sole guide to relationship counseling. There are some things set in stone and some things that are adaptable. We never know which is which, or who will come into our lives in either capacity, even when it happens.

And perhaps that is the lesson in life that we all must learn: We must be open to the possibility of our lives being turned entirely upside down by a love that transcends all explanation. Will we accept the greatest emotional and spiritual influence in our lives, regardless of havoc it may wreak, or will we choose to remain safe and docile, never breaking the rules for fear of reprisals and abandonment.

How do we wish our lives to be remembered when we're lying on our deathbeds?


	2. Foreward

_"On the first page of our story_  
_The future seemed so bright_  
_Then this thing turned out so evil_  
_I don’t know why I’m still surprised_ "  
\-- "Love the Way You Lie, Part 2" [Grant/Hafermann/Mathers]

 

The dagger lies there on the ground, silver glinting dully in the artificial light. That it fell in a pool left by a streetlight would be fascinating in and of itself, if it weren't for the letters etched into the blade.

Eight simple letters.

But the implications of what they stand for are staggering.

"This isn't possible."

The words echo around me, but they sound off in my ears. It takes a moment to realize they're my own, but the veracity is still there. Hesitant steps take me from the strong arms wrapped around my waist, the strength that is both grounding and distracting as hell. My legs feel as weak as a newborn foal's, but the need to touch that dagger, to _feel_ the truth of what's happened, is far too strong to ignore. Instead of holding me back, it feels like those arms are pushing me toward my goal. It's just enough impetus to propel me forward.

"Dark One, I summon thee!"

Damn him!

"I command thee, Dark One! Appear!"

He tries a third time with no better results than the first two attempts. When his mouth opens to try again, I lunge for the dagger, tearing it from his unworthy hand. It feels heavy in my hand, faintly pulsing with the same malevolence that I'd felt in that writhing cloud of darkness before… Before she saved me from a fate worse than death. A deep breath centers my swirling thoughts as much as possible, given the circumstances, and I finally meet his gaze.

"Give it a rest, Captain Guyliner. It's clear that she's not able to answer you." A cruel smile twists my lips up. "Or perhaps she just doesn't think you're worth her time any longer. All the dark magic in the world versus a smelly, three centuries old former pirate? I think the choice is pretty clear, don't you?"

"Regina!" Snow hisses from behind us, no doubt wearing that aghast look she's perfected over these lifetimes we've lived in one another's orbits. "Maybe it's something else."

Grip tightening on the oddly comfortable hilt, I turn to face her, to face all of them standing here as witnesses to the sacrifice made on my behalf.

I don't deserve this.

"Yes, Snow, let's work with that assumption. Or maybe we should listen to someone who was a longtime student of the Dark One?"

"I know the Dark One lore," Hook says before anyone else can speak. "Her name is on that bloody dagger. She's supposed to come when summoned, no matter where she is in this land."

Using the dagger as if it's an extension of my own hand, I gesture toward him. "And there's your answer, Hook. She's not in this land. At least not right now. She can't hear us, so she can't come to us. Or have you forgotten that magic still has its unpredictable stages here?"

"And when did you become such an expert on this, Your Majesty?"

"Do you know of any other dark magic practitioners around here that aren't in a coma or locked up for sheer insanity and malice?" Before he can do any more than part his lips, I hold up my free hand. "Enough! This will accomplish nothing toward finding and freeing Emma from this curse. For now, I suggest we all go home and reconvene in the morning. The dagger will stay with me until further notice."

"No!"

Ignoring him, I look at Snow and Charming, Henry hovering so close to them. "Henry, I want you to stay with your grandparents tonight."

"No!" he replies, taking half a dozen long strides to stand in front of me. When he speaks again, his voice is low so only I hear him. "I'm not a little kid anymore, Mom, and I'm the Author. I deserve to be involved in whatever you're going to try tonight."

"I'm not--"

"You can't lie to me now, Mom. I can see it in your eyes that you're going to try something."

His eyebrows arch up in a carbon copy of his other mother's look of daring disbelief. The muscles in my throat constrict, making breathing difficult for a moment as the loss of this woman we're both connected to hits again, chinking away at the numb shock around my heart.

"All right. You can come home, Henry." Taking a deep breath, I turn to face the others again. "We meet at Granny's at eight tomorrow morning to see what our next steps are. Belle, will you keep me apprised of your husband's condition, particularly if he should come out of that coma of his? His input would be most beneficial at this time. And we'll need the fairies there, too. For now though, let's all get some rest."

*****

The walk home with Henry is quiet, but I don't mind. It took Robin and Charming both to get Hook to go back to the B&B. I'm quite sure he's sitting at the counter in Granny's, tossing back rum like there's no tomorrow. Like I'd leave the dagger in his possession when he's like that. Volatile and stupid are a terrible combination where this kind of magic is involved. Hopefully Robin remembers to get Roland to sleep relatively soon. It's late and he shouldn't be staying up past his bedtime, regardless of what's happened. He's still a little boy, after all.

That thought brings my focus back to my son. He's being remarkably brave for a thirteen-year-old who's just been told that his other mother is now the Dark One. Then again, his entire life has been shaped by magic, whether he knew it or not, and he's weathered it all with relative grace and dignity.

"You're staring at me, Mom," he says softly with a smile.

"Just considering how far you've come in thirteen short years. You're not my little boy any more, but I'm not quite ready to call you a man yet."

"I'll always be your little boy, even when I'm like forty and ancient."

And there's that smirk that is reminiscent of both of his blood parents. It's easier to see the commonalities to Neal and Rumpelstiltskin now as he gets older. The ties to Snow and Emma should have been obvious from day one, really. Or from when his eyes shifted from blue to that mercurial hazel that is a clear trait in Snow's family line.

"Watch it, Henry. You're treading dangerously close to calling your mother old." The smirk doesn't budge an inch, and I know he doesn't take my pseudo-threat seriously. "I know you wouldn't think that way about your mother, would you?"

He rolls his eyes and laughs. "No! I'm not interested in spending the rest of my life grounded." He pauses then, just as we reach the front gate of the house, and pulls me into a tight hug. "My moms are the two most beautiful women in the world, and I love them more than anything."

"Henry--"

"And when you talk to Ma next, if you see her before me, you tell her I said that, okay?"

"What makes you think I'll see her before you will?"

"Don't play obtuse with me, Mom. Ma's way better at it, and I think I know you well enough to know you'll try to talk to her alone."

His words startle me in their accuracy. I hate that he can read me so well. That year away aged him in ways that I've missed, and it still bothers me that he can be so much like his other mother at times like this.

"I'll tell her, but only _if_ I get to see her before anyone else. Just because I have this," I say, grip tightening on the dagger's hilt again, "doesn't mean I'm going to use it selfishly or improperly. Emma deserves respect, no matter how stupid this idea of hers is."

It's the first time I've voiced even one of my issues about this whole situation. The others are looking to me to take the lead in all of this, even Hook probably is. I need to make sure that we think things through before we act. There's no sense in going off half-cocked when we don't even know how Emma's going to change in this new role as the Dark One. An image of what Rumpelstiltskin looked like at his worst superimposes itself over the last time I saw Emma before the darkness took her away. The sight is terrifying, but I will never show her fear. The good in her is still there, I know it is. I'll just operate under the assumption that I can still interact with that part of her.

"Mom?"

"What?" My cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Henry, I got lost in thought."

"You ready to go in the house now?" he asks, gesturing vaguely up the walk. "It's getting cold out."

Nodding mutely, I motion for him to lead the way.

It's going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

_"Help me make the most_  
_Of freedom and of pleasure_  
_Nothing ever lasts forever_  
_Everybody wants to rule the world"_  
\-- "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" [Orzabal/Stanley/Hughes]

 

Have you ever been in a blackout? Like a total, middle of the night in winter power outage? You can't even see your own hand in front of your face, let alone anything or anyone else around you. You start talking just to hear _something_ and pray that you're not completely alone or with some sort of serial killer. And when the power finally comes back on, you're so damned relieved that you could cry or piss yourself with relief. Or maybe both. Who knows what that kind of relief can make a person do?

Yeah, welcome to being sucked up by this writhing mass of ultimate darkness. I just haven't gotten to the return of the light yet. I don't know where I am, but I'm not liking this. Any of this. At all. I really don't like being alone in the dark, okay?

The worst part of it is that I'm not alone. I can _feel_ that there are others around me. It's like a dark version of gaydar, I guess? Wow, that's a stupid analogy, Swan. Way to go with that one. Foot, meet mouth, and pray you taste good.

I don't feel different, not in any really obvious ways. Well, okay, I do, but I'm not sure if that's from the darkness or from these blackout conditions. And where the hell am I anyway? Regina would probably know right away.

Regina…

The look on her face when the darkness surrounded her. She was so lost, so confused, so _scared_. We all knew what it wanted to do, what it wanted of her. She was rooted in place, clearly afraid to move, and that spurred me on. Okay, the fact that Robin Hood was just standing there like a jackass wasn't helping matters. This is his True Love and he can't even move to try to help her? It just pissed me off to see that this supposedly brave thief was being such a pussy.

Oh, hey! What the hell was that? Anger turns on the darkness? Eww. But I get it. So keep it together, Swan. You gotta fight this for Henry, for Killian, and for Regina. And the others, too, but that's the holy trifecta, right?

Oh, who the hell are you kidding? Killian doesn't matter nearly as much as Henry and Regina do. You did this for Regina, not for anyone else. At least man up to that one brutally honest truth in your life, even if you couldn't do it to her face. It doesn't matter that she'll never know the real reason you did it, she just needs to know what she was already told. Because she has done way too much work to be a good person for it all to be thrown away for this fresh hell of darkness. She deserves her happiness, and clearly that happiness is with Robin Hood, Roland, and whatever the hell is going on with Zelena and that baby.

I don't know what to do to about that. He's… He's not good for her, but he's her True Love, so who am I to judge what is and isn't good for her? I'm just… I'm just _me_. She is so much to so many people, good and bad, and she is important now more than ever before. If she wasn't important, if she didn't matter so much, I don't think I'd have done what I did.

Yes, you would have. You lying pussy, you would still do this for her even if she was still struggling more obviously with the good versus evil thing. You are head over heels--

Nope! Not going there. Not now. Not ever. Crap! And now that bit of denial is turning on the darkness again. I'm screwed no matter what I focus on, aren't I? Fuck!

I need to think about something else.

Really, I just need to be able to see something. _Anything_. I don't like this whole total darkness thing, okay?

*****

A tugging sensation centering around my chest tears my thoughts away from the insanity-inducing darkness surrounding me. It's a welcome change, to be honest, so I don't fight it. Even when it gives me the urge to puke in technicolor like the best rollercoasters, I don't fight it. And then things start to get lighter, lines take shape, the world takes hazy form that grows sharper with time. The light is bright enough to make me squint, but I don't mind.

It takes a moment to realize where I am, and the dread fills me with recognition.

"It worked?"

Does she have _any_ idea how beautiful her voice is? Or maybe that's just because all I've been listening to for I don't even know how long is my own thoughts. That's enough to make anybody ready for the nut house, you know?

"Emma?"

And then I see the dagger in her hand, my name plain as day in that weird kinda Papyrus-y font. God, I hate that font! Wait a minute. Regina has the dagger and now I'm suddenly here.

"What the hell?" My voice sounds all rough, and I cough to try to clear my throat. "You used the dagger on me?"

She has the good graces to look sheepish, her cheeks darkening just the tiniest bit. Her grip doesn't slacken though, which can only mean that she doesn't entirely trust me. Probably a good thing because I don't know that I trust myself right now either.

"I was just curious to see if it would work," she finally says. "Your _boyfriend_ tried last night and it didn't work. I assumed it was because you weren't in this land at all, but you're here now, so I'm not sure…" She cocks her head to the side and stares at me for a moment, a whole bunch of emotions dancing across her eyes. "You didn't purposely ignore him, did you?"

"Pretty sure if that thing's used, I can't ignore it, so I'm gonna go with no."

"But you came when I summoned you?"

Yeah, please don't go there right now, brain. But you will anyway, because you're a sick and perverse bitch. Oh, and there goes the darkness getting all excited, too. Just kill me…

"I didn't hear anything, but I got this funky tug on my chest that kinda made me follow it," I finally say before she can ask another question. "And now, here I am."

Glancing around, the surroundings start to sink in. Never been in this room before, but I'd know it as her bedroom even if she wasn't standing in the middle of it. The decorating style is oh so very much Madam Mayor Mills that it makes my teeth hurt like too much cotton candy. Without thought, I start walking around, touching things randomly, before eventually sitting down on the chaise in front of the fireplace. Does she actually use that thing? It looks really inviting right now.

"So _why_ am I here now, Regina?"

In the handful of heartbeats before she speaks, that myriad of emotions flits across her eyes again. I've never seen her look this vulnerable before, unless it involved Henry being in danger--

"Henry's okay, right? You're not going to tell me that I somehow hurt him when I-- When I got like this?"

"No, Henry's fine. He's sleeping yet, or should be. I have another couple of hours before we have to be at Granny's for the big powwow, which is why I tried this."

She blinks slowly, jaw muscles bunching briefly.

"How the hell long have I been gone? When's the last time you got any sleep? Your bed's too pristine looking to have been slept in. Don't you dare tell me that you've been up for God knows how long because of me!"

"Of course, I have!" The exhaustion vanishes in the wake of the far more familiar ire. "What in the hell were you thinking, Emma? The darkness is not some sort of game."

"Yeah, got that when I was sucked away into the eternal darkness of the damned. Trust me, I got that in spades while I was talking to myself to keep from completely losing my shit."

"That doesn't answer my question. _Why_ did you do it?"

Fighting the urge to squirm, I stare at the fireplace and smirk when a small fire blazes to life. "I told you why I did it. You've come too far to lose all of that good work, not to mention your happy ending with your True Love."

The darkness swoops in my gut at my words, clearly feeding on the envy and disdain I'm feeling. Disdain. What a fucking Regina kind of word for what's running through my veins at the thought of her with that asshole, that pussy of a man. He doesn't deserve her. How did he get to be her True Love when he's just so…

"Emma? Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes!" Even I can hear the guilt in my quick reply. "Sorry, this is just very weird."

"I can only imagine."

"Well, now you don't need to, thanks to me. I'm the Savior. I'll kick this Dark One thing in the ass, subdue it like the Apprentice said, and be back to my normal awesome self in no time. Easy peasy."

She frowns then, lips pursing like she's just tasted lemon-soaked shit. Fuck! I hate it when she levels that look at me. Nothing can stop me from squirming now, not under that glare.

"If it was so easy peasy" -- she actually uses air quotes when she says the words, and I have to fight not to laugh at the motion -- "to get rid of the darkness, don't you think Gold would have done it at some point in the last three hundred or so years?"

"Nope." The pop on that final consonant feels really good, and I'm not even sure why. "He's a fucking coward and wanted the easy way out with power and control. That's been obvious from pretty much the minute I met him. Even before I knew and believed in all the magic and fairytales shit. But you know I'm not like that. I don't want it."

The darkness actually laughs in the back of my head. That weird feeling like you know the fucking serial killer is _right_ behind you? Yeah, it's like that, only the serial killer's _in_ my fucking skull. This is not on!

"If you don't want it, then why did you take it on? Surely you understood the consequences, Emma. Or did you just barrel in without the slightest thought to the outcome? You really are your mother's daughter, aren't you?"

"If all you want to do is fight and bitch about my genetics, I don't need to be here. Just accept that I saved you from what we both know would be a fate worse than death for you, okay? Accept that you can have your happy ending and your redemption and the life you deserve. Why can't you do that?"

"Because I need to know what you think is worth saving," she says, eyes suddenly glassy with tears. "I understand how the darkness works, and I could have handled it." And then she hesitates, voice less certain when she continues. "I'm sure I could have."

I'm on my feet and moving closer to capture the tear slipping down her cheek. "But now you don't have to worry about it. I don't want you to throw away all this good that you've got in you now, Regina. Just please accept that. Do what you want about trying to get rid of it. I won't stop you or anyone else from doing that. But please don't think that you deserved this fate, because you didn't and you don't."

"I'm not going to change your mind, am I?" When I grin and shake my head, she sighs. "All right. Um, we're having a meeting at Granny's at eight to determine the next step. I'm going to summon you then, unless you want to come with us."

As much as I want to walk in at her side… "Wouldn't that raise a lot of questions?"

"Yes, it would, particularly since Hook tried and failed."

"So… What then?"

She fidgets, but doesn't shift from our close proximity. "As much as I hate lying about something so important any longer, I think we basically play it that we're seeing each other for the first time in Granny's after I summon you. Eventually, when we know what we're up against, and when people have had time to adjust, we can come clean, but…"

When she doesn't continue, I nod slowly. "But it's better to save face for Killian and my mother right now. Probably Henry, too."

"Oh! Henry!" She grins sheepishly then. "He knew that I'd try to contact you without the others. He wanted me to tell you that he loves you and considers you one of the two most beautiful women in the whole world."

The darkness actually growls at the overwhelming love I feel at her words from Henry. Like my chest fucking aches from it. So this is what I have to put up with? Yeah, let's not go there, okay?

"You know what?" I ask with a smile, ignoring the pain. "What you just said, what Henry told you to tell me? That's a big part of why I did what I did, Regina. He's the awesome person that he is because of you. I couldn't let you lose that by being sucked into this darkness crap."

"Emma, I--"

"And who knows? With the Savior magic and the Dark One magic, I'm like probably the most powerful being ever, and I can totally save all of us from anything that tries to attack us. I'm like Superman and the dagger is my only kryptonite."

"That's not quite how magic works." The clearly implied _idiot_ hangs heavily between us, a comforting connection to the sassy woman I know and lo-- Nope, not going there. Not today, Satan.

"Maybe it is now. You've been telling me that I'm contrary to normal magic anyway, right? This could be a good thing."

And I try desperately to ignore the darkness laughing, because I need to believe my words just as much as she does.

Maybe even more.


	4. Chapter 4

_"In the valley of the dolls, we sleep  
Got a hole inside of me  
Living with identities  
That do not belong to me  
In my life, I got this far  
Now I’m ready for the last hoorah"  
_ \-- "Valley of the Dolls" [Diamandis/Karaoğlu/Nowels]

 

Shaking my head in an attempt to stave off my exhaustion, I finish getting dressed, then go to see if Henry's ready to go. He's invited to the meeting, but he knows he'll also be helping keep Roland entertained. He's not happy with this, but he'd rather accept it than not be involved at all.

The walk to Granny's is refreshing this early in the morning. The crisp late fall air perks me up far better than any caffeine. Not that I'll forego coffee when we get to Granny's. I'm not stupid. The walk also gives me the chance to set a few ground rules with Henry.

"So wait, you got Ma to appear?" he finally asks. "And you didn't tell me until now?"

"It was very much an impulse decision, and you were sleeping. You need your rest, you know."

He rolls his eyes at that. "Yeah, and I need to know that Ma's okay, too." He chews at his bottom lip nervously as he meets my gaze. "She _is_ okay, right?"

As okay as she can be in her new role as the Dark One. Is there such a thing as okay in that instance?

"Yes, I think she is. She's very confused and working out exactly what she can and can't do. This is a rather strange situation for all of us, particularly Emma."

"Yeah, okay. But why did she come for you, but not for Hook?"

Oh, from the mouths of babes. If only he understood what he's just asked. No, I don't want him to have that knowledge just yet. Stay innocent for as long as you can, my baby boy.

"She said she didn't hear it when he summoned her. I'm sure it was just too soon for anything to happen yet. This is the first time that a Dark One's been created in this land, and you know that the magic is still unreliable at times. But she appeared for me and we talked a bit about things. And then she went back to wherever it is that Dark Ones go when they need to think and process things."

"Does she look all weird like the pictures of Grandpa in my book?"

That gets me laughing. "No, she doesn't. She looks like…" The image of Emma standing before me fills my mind. "She looked like she'd recently had a shower and was in comfy clothes and this funky cloak. It kind of suited her actually. And her hair was just starting to curl into those lovely waves."

Henry's soft chuckle is enough to remind me that I need to be careful what I say around him. And everyone else. This whole situation is just really too much to deal with.

"So she looks okay. And she sounded okay? She's not gonna go all Joker on us or anything, right?"

"No, Henry, I don't think she'll do that," I reply with a grin and squeeze his hand. "Your grandfather seemed pretty normal after the curse broke, didn't he? He didn't have that same look as in your book."

"That's true."

We walk in silence until turning onto Main Street. I can see several of the dwarves crowding into the diner, and a small group of the fairies coming up the street behind them. 

"Henry, I need you to do me a favor. I don't want you telling anyone that I saw Emma earlier, okay? She and I agreed that I would summon her during this meeting and make it seem like it's the first time. I know I'm asking you to lie, but I have a good reason for it. I just can't explain it right now."

He nods slowly. "Sometimes lies are necessary. I understand that now, Mom, and I'll keep your secret for you."

"You are too good for me sometimes, Henry. I owe you something special for this. Even though we don't normally reward deceitful behavior, of course."

"Of course," he says with a laugh that reminds me of his other mother. "I promise I won't take advantage of the situation. Just a special lunch and comic books date with my mom is all I ask for my part in this whole secret."

"I can do that."

He grins and kisses my cheek before racing ahead of me the rest of the way to Granny's. He scoops up Roland, spinning the boy around, then waves to Robin before heading inside. Robin, of course, waits on the bench outside the diner, a smile smoothing the harsher lines of his jaw. As I come closer, he stands and holds out a hand, which I take. A small thrill teases along my spine as his lips brush against my knuckles, but then I notice that his smile doesn't quite make it to his eyes. This just makes me steel myself for all sorts of hell to break loose once I step inside the diner.

"Good morning, Regina," he says in that soft tone that both soothes and rankles me.

"Good morning, Robin. I trust you and Roland are well?"

"He was excited to come in for chocolate chip pancakes with extra whipped cream," he says, holding the door open for me. "Who am I to deny him this treat?"

Biting my tongue on the value of a balanced and nutritious breakfast, I enter the diner and study the people who have already gathered here. Ruby is busy getting food and coffee to everyone. My smile brightens as I see Henry grab the coffee pot from her and shoo her away. He grins back at me and starts to fill cups where he can. Snow glances up at me as she shifts her son up to burp him against her shoulder, offering me a smile of her own.

"In or out," Granny yells from the kitchen, "but don't just stand there and let my precious heat out."

Robin closes the door and sheepishly slinks over to sit next to his son at the counter. He whispers something to the boy, who immediately grins and races over to give me a hug that I can't help but return. Roland giggles and presses a sloppy kiss to my cheek before running back to the counter to wait for his special breakfast.

"Is everyone here that needs to be?" I ask, raising my voice to be heard over all the side conversations. "Where's Hook?"

At that precise moment, the man stumbles in from the back hallway, looking like a scowling rictus of death warmed over. Clearly he and Granny's rum supply made quite close friends last night. Not that I'm surprised. It _is_ his go-to way of dealing with anything and everything, particularly if he can't fight his way out of something. Some things never change. Henry quickly pours him a cup of coffee, but when left to his own devices, Hook adds a healthy dose to the cup from his ever-present flask.

"Feel free to get started, Your Majesty," he grumbles, not meeting my gaze.

Patting the makeshift holster I've created to keep Em-- the _dagger_ close to me, I once again scan the room's occupants and offer a far more positive smile than I necessarily feel. Never let them see your weaknesses.

"All right, let's see if we can keep this civil and as brief as possible," I say, feeling very much like I'm starting a city council meeting. "As I'm sure you've all heard by now, Emma has become the new Dark One. She-- She sacrificed herself to save me from the same fate. Our first and only priority is to make sure that we can remove the darkness from Emma, so that we can have our Savior back again, safe and sound."

"But what'll we do until that happens?" Of course, Leroy has to be the pessimistic voice of reason. "Don't we have to keep ourselves safe from this new Dark One? I mean, I know it's Emma, but we all remember what Gold was like as the Dark One, right?"

There are grumbles of assent, the sour tang of fear and resentment beginning to permeate the room. I need to get this under control before I've lost them all to hysteria and panic.

"Okay, that's enough!" David says, moving to stand next to me in some kind of show of solidarity. "We all know Emma, how good her heart is. She's the Savior and born of True Love. And we know that Regina is going to be our best bet to remove the darkness from Emma. She's proven over and over that she's changed. She's not the Evil Queen anymore. She's on our side now."

It takes everything in me not to roll my eyes at the Charming pep talk, but he's not exactly wrong. I'm not the Evil Queen any longer, but I'm not entirely sure what _our side_ really means. I'm on Emma's side, pure and simple. Emma's and Henry's.

Everyone begins to chime in with their ideas on what we should do next, and I just let David take the reins. These are still his and Snow's loyal subjects first and foremost, so they'll listen to him when push comes to shove. From the corner of my eye, I can see Reul Ghorm watching me as she takes notes on the proceedings of this meeting. Can she sense the connection I made with Emma just a couple short hours ago? Can any of the fairies or other magically active people in the room? If they can, they're being quite polite in not bringing it up.

"Regina?" David's question brings me back to the matter at hand. "You've got the dagger and are the most likely to succeed in summoning Emma. Maybe we should give it a shot?"

"I beg to differ there, mate," Hook says, slurring his words just enough to set my teeth on edge. "True Love and all, so I should be the one to do it."

Before I can do more than take in a breath to reply, Snow's voice rings loud and clear across the diner. "Perhaps you should consider sobering up before you attempt to harness any kind of magic today."

In a rare show of pride and camaraderie, I nod my head toward her, a small smirk on my lips. She offers a smug smile in return, but I can't even begrudge her the win. Her words have utterly silenced the pirate, and that's all that matters to me right now.

Steeling myself for what's about to come, I grip the dagger in my hand and raise it up, facing the middle of the diner. "Emma Swan, I summon you."

"That's not--"

Hook's angry words are cut off by the presence of one Emma Swan not ten feet in front of him.

And then all chaos breaks loose as everyone clamors around her.


	5. Chapter 5

_"And it's broke before you know it_  
_Before you knew what it was for_  
_All you know is you can't fix it_  
_And you wish you'd listened more_  
_To your instincts to your family_  
_To the wisdom you'd ignored_  
_Are you finally gonna ask us for help?"_  
\-- "The President" [Lightbody/Snow Patrol]

 

That technicolor puking sensation when someone summons me with the dagger? Yeah, it gets easier with time, but never quite goes away. I know this because I've been getting summoned all over the place for the last week or so. The fairies are working with Regina to locate Merlin and remove the darkness from me. I keep telling them that it's all good, that I'm not having any urges to kill or maim anyone, but nobody believes me. I guess they all think I'm humoring them or something. That kind of pisses me off, you know?

That fear and contempt that Ingrid mentioned last year? I swear it's happening now, but they won't admit it. And I don't really see it happening, not with the people that matter. Regina and Henry are like five hundred percent behind me. My parents? I know they support me because I'm their precious baby girl, but they have their doubts. They think I can't see it, but it's there all the same. And don't get me started on everyone else. It's like I'm expected to just completely flip out on them at the drop of a hat.

And don't get me started on the new addition in all of this. My very own head!me. She's only visible to me, which is probably a good thing because Regina would _so_ mock her fashion sense. I can't stand the hair. Not entirely true. I like the braided bun, but it's pretty severe, and the paper white of her hair is off-putting, to say the least. But she's in all black leather that would probably make the toppiest of dominatrixes swoon. The jacket's got a really weird collar that I don't like, and Regina would totally mock it. But I think her Evil Queen side would swoon over the boots. I mean, that's not my normal kink, but they're kinda hot. Or is that just because I'm picturing them on Reg--

Nope! Not going there. Not now. Not ever. She's taken and she's happy.

Great! Now head!me is laughing her ass off at me. I really never should've allowed Henry to talk me into that full series binge watch of the _Battlestar Galactica_ reboot last month. My brain's been giving me weird mental images of the Dark One being like the Cylon god and that's just weird. 

Mostly Regina summons me, which is nice. She doesn't have the same weird expectations that everyone else does. She likes to just talk to me, treat me like normal. Well, sometimes there's this hint of fear in her eyes that upsets me. I know it's _me_ that frightens her, but I don't want to see her like that either. It just makes me feel like I'm not good enough again. The darkness likes it when I feel like that; it really likes to prey on my insecurities.

*****

Today is one of many meetings between Regina, the Blue Fairy, and Belle. They've been doing a lot of research this past week, trying to find ways to remove the darkness from me. Not that I blame them, really. They've all dealt with Gold in his Dark One days far longer, and I guess they don't want to have similar with me? Not exactly the best way to make someone feel good about her sacrifices, but whatever works for them.

"The Apprentice talked about the Sorcerer," Belle says as she flips through a dusty old book. "He said something about Merlin holding the secret to how to contain the darkness. But Merlin's just a fantasy, isn't he?"

"There have been rumors that Merlin is still alive, but trapped in a tree." Blue fiddles with the collar of her shirt, not meeting the gazes of the women sitting to either side of her. "There's likely not a way to rescue him from said tree, even if we knew where it was."

She's lying! I'm not sure what she's lying about, but she's definitely lying. And neither Belle nor Regina seems to notice it. Good to know my superpower still works, despite all the dark magic at my fingertips. Head!me is growling in Blue's general direction, which doesn't help with my fears about all of this Dark One shit. I wonder what the big deal is between the fairies and the Dark Ones past. I mean, I get that there's shit between Gold and Blue because of Neal, but it's got to be more than that, right?

Pay attention, idiot! Regina's talking and she's probably saying something important, but you're just fucking around thinking about connections between the fairies and us Dark Ones. Get your head out of your ass, will you?

"--something can be done, right?" Regina asks, glancing up at Blue with a narrow-eyed, distrustful stare. "I'm not going to let Emma live like this for who knows how long, constantly in fear of someone trying to kill or control her for her power."

"But isn't that what you're doing, Your Majesty?" comes the prim question from Blue, one eyebrow arched in that sanctimonious way that pisses me off way too often. "You won't let anyone else have control of the dagger, so clearly you must be intending to control the Dark One again."

The fact that Belle's just buried her face further into the book she's been reading, but steals glances up at the other two women, nearly has me laughing out loud and betraying my spying. Thankfully, I've got a little more self-control than that right now. But my eyes return to Regina almost immediately as her spine stiffens almost imperceptibly.

"I have control of the dagger, as you put it, because Emma asked me to keep it. If she feels safe with me safeguarding it, then all of you should." Her eyes flash then with something that makes me think of her stories of being the Evil Queen. "Or do you want her to have control of it and free rein to truly destroy everything and everyone in this town?"

The fact that fairy shuts the hell up in that moment is all the answer Regina and I need. I _knew_ I was right in asking her to keep the dagger.

*****

The sudden sensation of appearing elsewhere is disconcerting, especially when I know the dagger is still with Regina. Who the hell else would have enough power to summon me like that? Glancing around, I find myself out by the well in the forest. Nope, nobody here that I can see, but I can sense someone's nearby.

"Okay, who the fuck is here that can summon me without the dagger?"

For a long moment, the sounds of nature surround me, doing little to settle the uneasiness in my gut. And then movement from my left catches my eye. Turning, I see him standing there in black leather and cloak, both decorated in gold and dull copper. His eyes catch my attention first, after his clothes, and I can't look away for the longest moment. The intensity in their dark depths is stronger as he lowers the hood of his cloak.

"I've called you here, Emma," he says softly, his words offering comfort that I didn't even know I needed until this very minute.

"A-And you are?" I wince at how disconcerted I sound. It's never good to show your weaknesses to an unknown opponent.

"You know who I am, and you know why I'm here. Look into my eyes and think back. You'll remember if you let yourself."

Squinting, I do as he says, trying to ignore head!me's rantings. Head!me just needs to shut up from time to time and let me do my own thinking. I've been doing it for like thirty years now, I can keep doing it without her input.

And then the memory swoops in, hard and fast and disorienting as hell.

> _Little seven-year-old me sneaking into the theater with that big group of birthday party kids. There's no way that could happen now, but I always found a way to just kind of go invisible to the adults around me. It's how I managed to survive in most of my foster homes and schools when I was little. That little trick allowed me to steal that Apollo bar to eat, too. It was going to be my food for the day probably, since the Smiths didn't think much of feeding me when they had cigarettes to smoke with that money from the state._
> 
> _"Don't do it, Emma."_
> 
> _There he was, standing in the aisle with his usher's uniform and flashlight. He was staring at me with that same world weary look in his eyes, but he didn't take a step closer to me. I thought he might kick me out, but I couldn't quite pull out the waterworks, not for him._
> 
> _"I'm sorry. I-- I'm just so hungry." It wasn't a lie._
> 
> _"You have to be strong, Emma. Don't do it. Trust yourself."_

Just as quickly, the memory is gone and I'm back in the real world. Standing no more than fifteen feet away from a man who apparently hasn't aged in the last twenty-three years.

"What the hell? Who are you?"

He smiles then, and I can see a twinkle of amusement in his eyes, like there's a joke here that I should know. "You know who I am, Emma."

"Listen, buddy. I am _not_ in the mood for this shit. Who are you and how did you get here?"

He moves closer to the well and drops the bucket into it. When he pulls it back up, filled with water, he produces a small, battered metal cup from a hidden pocket in his robe. Definitely a robe, not a cloak. Dipping the cup in the water, he takes a long drink and smiles before dipping it again and offering it to me.

"Have a drink."

"No thanks, I'd rather get answers to my questions."

"As you wish, but I think you'll want this water once you get them. Or don't get them, as the case may be." He sets the cup on the stone of the well before meeting my gaze. "You and I have known each other for a long time, Emma. No, I've never given you my name, but you already know what it is. You just need to trust your instincts on this one."

Growling softly, I pull my gun. "Look, buddy, I don't have time for games. I'm the sheriff of this town and I'm not in the mood for bullshit."

With a barely visible flick of his wrist, my gun disappears, only to reappear in his open palm. "You've no need for this, Emma. It can't hurt me, not in the sense you wish it to."

Another fucking magic user! Of course, he is. Well, that explains the lack of aging. But--

"Hang on. If you can use magic, how did you appear to me all those years ago? There's no magic in this land, or wasn't back then."

"This land has its own inherent magic, Emma, even if it doesn't fit the magic of the enchanted realms where we're originally from. Certain powerful wielders of magic can transcend realms when the fate of all the lands rests on certain situations happening as foretold in prophecy."

"Another fucking prophecy about me? This is getting old. Just tell me in plain English why you're here and how you know me."

"It's not yet time for that," he says, shaking his head slightly. "All will be revealed to you in the proper time. What you need to know right now is that you know what you must not do. Retain the help of those you trust with your life. Ask for guidance where you need it. There is nothing weak about requesting assistance, Emma. Remember that and I'll see you soon enough again."

And then he's gone. Without thought, I reach for the cup and drain it, the cold water a soothing balm to my throat. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear that water is actually calming me down. As I set the empty cup on the stones again, it disappears in a puff of smoke. Only the moisture ring and the wet wooden bucket of water are signs of his ever having been here.

What in the hell is going on?


	6. Chapter 6

" _Spare me your judgements and spare me your dreams  
Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams  
I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind  
Alone in the wind and the rain you left me_"  
\-- "Thistle and Weeds" [Dwane/Mumford/Lovett/Marshall]

 

I'm not the Savior.

I don't care what Emma or anyone else says. I can't be the Savior. I've done too much evil in the past that blackened my heart irreparably. Yes, I'm working on my redemption, and likely will be for the rest of my life, but I don't know that I can ever be a Savior. It wasn't my lot in life, wasn't my destiny.

But they all need someone to step into the role Emma evacuated to save me. I guess I'm the logical choice, aren't I? I just wish that I had the same level of confidence in myself that Emma, Henry, and the Charmings have. Oh wait. It's that blind trust and optimism that they share, isn't it? Sometimes those familial traits are terrifying.

But even the fairies seem to think I can do this. I think that's harder to swallow than anything else about this whole bizarre twist to our lives. People that formerly hated me and wanted me dead now support me and want me to succeed. If he weren't left behind in a coma, I'd ask Gold what to make of all of this. But without him, the Blue Fairy and I are the most competent magic users. Zelena doesn't count, thanks to her rampant homicidal tendencies toward me.

The sound of my phone chiming pulls me from these thoughts that really just go nowhere toward finding a solution to Emma's Dark One situation. Glancing at it, I can't stop the sigh when I see Robin's face staring back at me. Time for our biweekly round of medical appointments for Zelena and the baby. I don't know why I'm even involved in these appointments.

No, that's not true. I know exactly why I'm still involved. Family. No matter what else has happened, Zelena is still my sister and that baby is still my family. Regardless of what happened in New York City, they are all I have left of the family of my blood. I will do whatever it takes to keep them safe, even when my sister angers me enough to want to kill her in cold blood.

Shaking my head, I grab for my purse and coat, slipping my phone into said purse as I head toward the door. Before I can get one foot over the threshold, I practically run into Tinker Bell. Maybe she's running interference for Reul Ghorm, given the way we ended our last research meeting a few days back.

"Regina! You're just the person I was looking for."

"Well, I'd certainly hope so, given that you've come to my office. Who else would be here?"

"Do you have a minute? There's something I need to talk to you about."

I want to refuse her, but there's an urgency in her eyes that pulls at me. "If it's quick, but you'll have to talk as we walk out to my car. I have to meet Robin and Zelena at the hospital in a few minutes."

"Actually, they're what I need to talk to you about. Please, it would be better to do this privately."

Relenting, I head back into my office, then close the door behind her before we head over to the couch. "Make it quick. I'll just text Robin that I'm running a bit late. It'll be fine." I pull out my phone to do just that as she sits next to me.

"Okay, so remember when we first met, Regina? When I saved you from trying to kill yourself?"

"I wasn't trying to kill myself, Tinker Bell. How many times do I have to explain that to you?"

She smirks and shrugs, continuing with her information. "Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night, Regina. Anyway, you remember how I got into trouble with Blue for taking the pixie dust to find your true love for you?"

How could I forget? I chickened out at the last minute, not meeting Robin like I should have, and ruining possibly the only friendship I had at the time. And Mother's meddling to get me to be pliable and give her a grandchild not too long afterward is still something that rankles and chafes. Shaking my head to rid myself of those memories, I wave my hand at her to continue.

"Okay, so I was talking to Blue earlier today about the possibility of using pixie dust to help Emma, and something came up about that whole incident that I didn't realize at the time."

"And that would be?"

"When I cast the spell, I did it incorrectly. Well, okay, not incorrectly exactly, but not with the actual intention in mind," she says, glancing at me sheepishly. The impatience must show in my eyes because she swallows audibly and scrubs at her face. "I cast it for the eldest daughter of Cora Mills."

The eldes-- "You did _what_?" I can feel the blood draining from my face at the implication of her words. "Why would you cast it like that? Did you damned fairies know I had a sister back then? Were you all in league with my mother to hide this information from me?"

"No! Regina, that's not it at all! I don't know why I worded it that way, but I did. And since Zelena's your older sister--"

Tears spring to my eyes. "I-- Get out."

"Regina, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to see you right now, Tinker Bell, and possibly not for a long time. You've just told me that something I've berated myself over for so many years wasn't even supposed to be for me? Seriously, you need to get out of my sight before I tear you limb from limb."

She doesn't try to reason with me, just gets up and heads out of my office. The click of the door shutting sets off a spate of tears that I really don't have the time to shed right now. All that time, all of the self-recriminations about not meeting him, not taking a chance at True Love for so long…

All for nothing.

And then, just as suddenly as this sickening dread hit, a dizzying wave of relief washes over me. I don't have to pretend any longer. I don't have to put up with habits that annoy and disgust me. I need to… A text reply from Robin reminds me of my familial duties.

*****

Walking into the exam room fifteen minutes later, I expect to see Whale chomping at the bit to get started. His track record with my sister is… less than optimal. Not that I mind, of course. He's been needing a good knocking down for a while now. But that's not what I see. The tactless doctor is nowhere to be found. Instead, I am witness to a tender moment between my sister and my supposed True Love. Their foreheads are touching and he's cupping her cheek as he whispers something to her that I'm frankly grateful not to hear. And then he leans in as she shifts slightly, their lips meeting in a kiss that most would call sweet. I call it disgusting and want to race from the room, but I stand my ground and clear my throat. At least they both have the good sense to look embarrassed at being caught. Zelena, of course, has a superior edge to her sheepish smile.

"Regina!" Robin says, taking a step back, hand only reluctantly moving from her cheek. "I-- I can explain."

My hand is up before I fully register the movement, head shaking in desperation. "Let's just get this appointment over with and return my sister to her cell. Then the two of us need to have a very long talk."

One I'm not sure I'm looking forward to having yet.

"All right," he replies, not even bothering to fight my request.

And then Whale finally makes an appearance. My attention is primarily focused on the health of my sister and her unborn child, but I can't help noticing that Robin is holding Zelena's hand during the exam. When the ultrasound is performed, the bright smiles on their faces tear a new gash along the length of my heart, one that I know will heal badly into a nasty scar. But I'm a former queen, and queens don't show their emotions to just anyone. And no one in this room deserves the honor of seeing me that vulnerable ever again. The unborn baby is perhaps the only one that will be allowed that opportunity in the future. I see no chance of redemption in my sister, not unless her baby changes her.

The first chance I get, I'm out of that exam room and leaning against the wall in an attempt to keep myself together just a little bit longer. Zelena was adamant that I have one of the printed out pictures of the baby. It's currently clutched tightly in my hand, but I force myself to place it in my purse. I don't have the luxury of breaking down in front of everyone here, but I can't leave until I know Zelena's back in her cell in the basement.

The door opens and Whale comes out, offering me a tight smile. He's still a sanctimonious bastard who deserves a fate worse than he's received for what he did to me, but everyone should have the option of a second chance. He seems to have changed his ways since the incident with Daniel. He pauses next to me, but doesn't quite break into my personal space.

"For the record, Madam Mayor," he says softly, "I think you've been given the short end of the stick this time, and I'm sorry. Mother and child are doing fine and should be able to return to their seclusion until the next appointment. I'll let Nurse Ratched know to increase her fruit and vegetable intake."

Only when I nod in acknowledgment does he finally move off to leave me alone. It takes several deep breaths to guarantee that I won't break down or try to eviscerate the couple still in the room. When they step out, Robin has his arm around Zelena's waist, but flashes me a regretful look. They stay like that all the way down to Zelena's subterranean cell. She's clutching the picture of the baby, oddly quiet and introspective as she looks at it. Perhaps there's a chance at redemption for her, after all. Leaving her to Nurse Ratched's supervision, Robin and I stand in the hall for a moment.

"We need to talk," I finally say. He stays silent, only nodding in agreement. "I think my office will likely be the best place to deal with this."

"Wouldn't your ho--" He trails off at the glare I give him, then nods again. "Your office it is then."

*****

In a matter of no more than thirty minutes, I am a single woman again. Robin takes the news of the botched spell in stride. He also admits that he'd actually known Zelena wasn't really Marian. Something about a very private ritual between him and his dead wife that Zelena couldn't know. And yet, he still fell in love with her and wants to be there for her and their baby. And he wants to remain friends with me, let me be involved in Roland's life. There's little I wouldn't do for that boy, so I'm grateful to be allowed that opportunity.

As he gets up to leave, he gives me one last kiss. We both feel it for the sham it's really always been. And then he presses his forehead to mine and whispers, "Don't close yourself off to the love you deserve, Regina. Promise me?"


	7. Chapter 7

" _The afternoon has settled long and heavy on my shoulders  
The winter's light feels different on my skin  
It doesn't seem to strike as far below the surface so  
I have to conclude that shadow won't let it in  
That shadow won't let it in, shadow won't let it in_"  
\-- "December" [Bareilles]

 

"Wait! You what?"

I can't believe my ears. I stopped by Regina's to see Henry and have dinner with them, only to be hit with this bomb of a revelation. I didn't even get to tell her about my little visitation in the wake of her news. Of course, none of this came out until after dinner was done and Henry went to finish his homework.

As usual, Regina and I are in her study with glasses of that sinfully tasty cider of hers. Pure sorcery right there. I hope I never get tired of it, and that she never runs out. Taking another sip to shut myself up, I study the woman sitting across from me on the couch. Her legs are tucked up under her, and one elbow rests on the back of the couch as she faces me. She shrugs inelegantly and drains her glass in three long swallows. My eyes are drawn to the play of muscles in her throat, making me swallow reflexively along with her.

"I have apparently been living a lie for decades of my life, thanks to Tinker Bell's ineptitude," she says, standing to refill her glass. "I suppose she did it with the best of intentions, but it's an odd way to phrase it when no one but my mother knew there was another child before me."

Regina no more than settles on the couch again, and I'm on my feet to pace. Head!me is cackling and whispering all sorts of things we could do to Robin with our dark magic. I won't lie. There's a part of me that wants to give in to the rage and hatred, make him pay for hurting my Regina.

_Your_ Regina? Oh my god, you are so whipped, Swan. Why don't you just declare your intentions now? Oh, that's right. You're still hung up on Hook, or whatever the hell it is you want to call it. Get your shit together. All that light magic _and_ all this dark magic, and you still think there's something there with Captain Guyliner? Fuck, you're pathetic.

"So…"

"So?"

"So you're okay with them together?"

She scrubs at her face and meets my gaze wearily. I can see the glint of tears in her eyes. It damned near breaks my heart and, before I realize it, I'm crouching next to her and pulling her into a hug. She stiffens briefly, then relaxes into my embrace, tears soaking into the shoulder of my shirt. I don't say anything, just offering her the support she clearly needs. Head!me is strangely quiet, which could be a bad thing, but all that matters to me is the crying woman in my arms.

"I hate that she gets what I was supposed to have," Regina finally says, voice rough from the tears. "Or what I thought I was supposed to have. It was one thing to resist the opportunity to meet him, to allow that love into my life back in the Enchanted Forest, because I was afraid. I didn't want to give up on Daniel and my revenge against Snow, but I also hated that I was alone. When we got that new chance to entertain a relationship though… Yes, initially I fought it. I didn't want anything to do with him, but it wasn't because of Daniel. It was because of y--" She abruptly pulls back to wipe at her cheeks. "It was because I needed to find a way to get you and Henry back to all of us, to your family. Plus, he was just so _not_ what I wanted. But that damned spell was constantly in the back of my head, and I finally gave in."

"Regina, you don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do. I need to get this out of my system. Please?"

Like you can deny her anything, Emma Swan.

"Did you know that he smelled of dirt and pine trees? I kind of despise pine trees because of him now." She laughs then, a bitter sound, but it gets me to join in on the laughter. "But he did have some endearing qualities. His love for Roland is probably what drew me in the most. And you know, I _am_ glad that he has his True Love, even if it wasn't Marian or me." She pauses again and sips at her cider. "They looked happy together as they bonded over their baby. I can't deny either of them that joy, even if it's one that I can't have myself."

"That's not true." The words are out before I realize it. Damn my mouth and brain disconnecting again. "You had that opportunity with Henry. You had it for a time with Roland when you were dating Robin. You even have it with Neal to an extent. He lights up every time he sees you. And you could always have that opportunity again."

Her smile takes on a rueful downturn. "It's kind of hard to have a baby without a partner. Not to mention when you're magically barren."

"You could always adopt again, like you did with Henry. You know you don't have to do it alone, Regina. You have a whole family that's willing to help you out this time. In fact, you've got me this time, so the new kid would have to be awesome."

"Thank you, Emma," she says softly and leans in to press her lips to my cheek.

Except for the fact that I shift in that moment to keep my balance, causing her lips to land daintily on mine. The kiss is brief, but I can feel something shift in my chest at the contact. I haven't felt that sensation since… Probably ever? I resist the urge to pull her closer, tangle my fingers in her hair and deepen the kiss. When she pulls back, her cheeks darken perceptibly, and I'm sure mine are flaming red, too.

"I'm sorry," she stammers, fingers touching her lips. "That was--"

"An accident," I say, cutting in relatively smoothly, given that there's a whole hive or five of bees buzzing in my gut right now. "I was getting a weird cramp in my foot. My bad." Her eyes lose some of their sparkle then, and I can _feel_ her closing off to me. "Unless you maybe _wanted_ …"

And now her eyes widen in shock. "I-- No! You're with your True Love. Nothing can change that bond." And then, as if realizing what she's just said, her cheeks get even redder, and she drains her glass of cider once again. "Clearly I've had too much of this in concert with basically being dumped. Perhaps I should just be smart and sleep this off now."

"If-- Um, are you sure?"

She nods slowly, and I finish off the cider in my glass before following her into the kitchen to place it in the dishwasher along with hers. She gives me a Tupperware container of the lasagna from dinner, then walks me to the door. "You, um, you make sure you actually heat that up before you eat it, Emma Swan. I know you like all that crappy junk food, but my lasagna is most definitely _not_ crappy or junk food."

"Yes, ma'am," I reply with a smile. "It's going to go in the fridge when I get home and I'll take it to the station tomorrow for my lunch."

It's clear by our inane banter -- and now I'm starting to sound like her? -- that neither of us really wants this to end. Whatever _this_ is. And yet, we both know it must. There are things we both need to take care of before we can even consider anything like a relationship.

And there you go again, Swan! Jumping the gun about a relationship that you're not even sure she wants. Smooth move, ace. Why don't you just spill the beans like some fucking junior high schooler with her first crush?

"Let me know if you want more," she says, pulling me from my thoughts. "You know I always make such a large batch."

"Because the leftovers are every bit as good as the first round, I know." Pausing to lick my lips, I smile at her. "Thank you for dinner, Regina, and I'm sorry about what happened today. If you need _anything_ , you call me, okay?"

"I will. Thank you, Emma, and you're welcome for dinner and your lunch tomorrow."

*****

This whole lack of sleeping thing as the Dark One kind of bites the big one. I miss being able to curl up in bed and just drift off to sleep as one of the many John Williams soundtracks plays on my phone. I miss lazy mornings in bed, playing Candy Crush on my phone or trolling Twitter as I wait to see how long it takes for Regina to text me about being late for work or to pick up Henry. Bed feels like a prison now, so I take to walking the streets of Storybrooke at night.

That sounds really bad, but it's exactly what I do. My fitbit's got me doing like fifteen or twenty miles between midnight and like six in the morning. Yeah, I could technically do more, but it's not like I'm walking for my health. It's just to stave off the boredom of not sleeping. I walk or jog a few miles, stop and stare at the sky or the water, then do it again when I start getting cold or bored. When I get really bored, I make dreamcatchers. Head!me says we can use them magically, which I know can happen, but I'm not sure I want to do that. Still, they're pretty, so I may give them as gifts this Christmas, but I don't know.

Tonight's wanderings have me sitting down at the beach, where Henry's old castle once stood. I still come here from time to time to think. The sound of the surf hitting the shore is oddly calming, even when it gets stormy. It's been an unseasonably dry winter so far, and the sea has been oddly storm-free. I suppose that's good for me, or these walks would really suck. I can just hear the barking of the seals over the waves.

"Fancy meeting you out here, Swan."

Just the sound of his voice makes my heart sink. So much for my attempt at getting some peace tonight. Mentally counting to ten to keep some semblance of calm, I turn to face him with a faint smile. "Shouldn't you be sleeping, Killian?"

"I could ask you the same thing, love," he says, settling next to me on the giant driftwood log. "As for me, I guess the sea's been calling to me again. I haven't been this landlocked in quite some time."

"You can leave any time you want, you know. There's nothing to keep you from your beloved sea. Oh wait. You don't have your ship anymore, do you?"

He ducks his head at that, but I catch the flash of anger in his eyes before he does. "Well, I'd say the tradeoff was worth it, wouldn't you? I got the beautiful Emma Swan, the fabled Savior."

"And yet you're out here, pining for your ship and your pirate ways." Head!me is egging me on in ways that I don't really want to indulge, but I do anyway. "If I was really worth it, you wouldn't miss the past so much."

"I never said that. You're putting words in my mouth."

"Well, someone has to." The words are out before I do anything more than acknowledge the thought behind them. "I'm sor--"

"Now you sound like Her Majesty," he says, growling the title.

"And that bothers you?" Oh yeah, head!me has jumped in on this one, and I'm finding it hard to ignore her influence, or the way this feels.

"You bloody well know it does, Swan."

"What exactly is it with you people calling me by my last name when I'm not behaving the way _you_ want me to? You and Regina both do it. It's actually annoying as hell, but I'm guessing you don't care?"

He stands and starts to pace in front of me. And then I see him reach for his ever-present flask of rum and take a long pull off of it.

"Is that an enchanted flask?"

That stops him in his tracks. "Come again?"

"You heard me. You're constantly drinking from that flask. It's got to be enchanted to always have your drink of choice at the ready for you. Who gave it to you? Your precious Milah?"

That was a low blow. He knows, and I know it. His eyes narrow, but he doesn't say anything for a long moment. When he does speak, his words come out carefully and there's a faint laugh in his tone. "You sounded suspiciously like the Crocodile for a minute there, Sw-- Emma. Good form for the imitation."

"So you're saying I sound like your mortal enemy? Must give you quite a predicament about being in love with the Dark One, doesn't it?"

"That's not fair, Swan!"

And there he goes again with the last name. You've definitely struck a nerve this time. Go for it! Push him to see if he really accepts this new side of you or not. If he doesn't, he needs to go. You don't need the distrust in your life.

"Tell me, Killian, if you had to choose between me and Milah, what would you do?"

"She's dead. You're not. That's easy."

I shake my head and let out a dark chuckle. "Oh no, you don't get off that easily. By some trick of fate, magic, whatever, Milah is standing here, whole and healthy and alive. What would you do?"

He goes absolutely still then, staring down at his hook for a moment or two. His shoulders hunch up ever so slightly toward his ears, and he toys with the cuff of his jacket. He won't meet my gaze, and I already know his answer.

"That's what I thought," I finally say, feeling a small part of my heart break at what could have been. But mostly I feel relieved. This must be what Regina felt when she learned that Hood wasn't her True Love.

"Emma--"

I shake my head. "No, sorry. You don't get to play the Emma card with the puppy dog eyes anymore. You've made your bed, now you've got to lie in it."

"Well, that's nothing new," he mutters. "It's not like I ever got to lie in yours."

In the space between one heartbeat and the next, a red haze filters over everything and my hand is up and curled around the air in front of me. The smirk disappears from his face and he claws at his throat with his hand, eyes widening as fear floods him so strongly that I can smell it despite the nearly ten feet of space between us.

"That was a big mistake, Hook. I could have forgiven you choosing Milah over me, but I won't stand for you mocking my choices with my body. That's crossing a line that you can't come back from."

Fingers and thumb begin to curl in toward each other, and his face grows redder with exertion and lack of oxygen. It would be so simple to just complete the fist and end his existence here and now. The darkness is doing flips in my stomach, and I feel a rush of arousal at the thought. Head!me is cheering me on as no one else ever has. The acrid scent of urine fills the air, wrinkling my nose in distaste.

And then, in the same instant in time, Regina's anguished face flashes in my mind's eye as I hear a newly familiar masculine voice from behind my former boyfriend.

"Don't do it, Emma. Trust yourself. You're stronger than you think."

His words are echoed in Regina's voice. I want to fight them so badly, want to give in to this anger and power right now. The darkness and head!me are practically shrieking in my brain, and my legs threaten to give out from under me. But I take a deep breath and force my hand to relax and open fully. Hook stumbles and falls to his knees in the sand, coughing and gagging as he tries to get air into his lungs. A simple thought fulfills my wish as I flex my fingers.

"Congratulations, Captain Hook. Your beloved _Jolly Roger_ has been returned to you in the same shape you left her. She's moored in the harbor. I suggest you gather your crew with all due haste and set sail. I want you out of my harbor by full sun, and if you _ever_ come into my harbor or my town again, or near any of my family and friends, you're a dead man."

And then I start to laugh. The absolute terror in his eyes only fuels my enjoyment of this moment. It takes a few seconds to realize just how maniacal my delight sounds, how similar it is to what I've heard once or twice from Gold when the curse broke and magic was restored.

"What--" The odd crack in his voice makes me feel something I can't quite name. "What the hell has happened to you, Swan?"

I fling an arm toward him, hoping to get him to scurry away faster, but my plans are stalled when I don't see my red leather jacket on my arm. Shiny black leather replaces what I expect to see, forcing me to glance down and see I've suddenly been changed into head!me's clothes. Reaching up tentatively, I can feel the braided bun at the back of my head. I don't even need a mirror to know my hair is white now.

"What the hell?" I ask, looking up. Hook's gone, but my mystery friend is still standing there, a sad look on his face. "What did you do to me?"

"I didn't do anything, Emma. In fact, I tried to stop it from happening." He takes a step closer, holds out a hand with that damned cup in it. "Here, drink this."

I don't want to, but my hand moves to take the cup, draining its contents in two gulps. It's still icy cold and sends that feeling of peace over me again. Even head!me shuts up, which is a blessing in and of itself. Before I can hand it back, the cup is refilled, and I gratefully drain it again.

"Feeling better now?" he asks when I return the cup to his outstretched hand.

"I'm not sure?"

"No murderous rage or thoughts of vengeance or destruction?"

"No, those are gone. How did you--?"

He gestures to the log again. "Why don't we have a seat? This could take a while."


	8. Chapter 8

" _All we do is think about the feelings that we hide  
All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign  
Sick and full of pride_"  
\-- "Drive" [Frangipane/Anderson]

 

It's been easier than I expected getting used to life without Robin these past few days. Oh, we still see each other often enough, whether on the days I get to spend time with Roland or when we have to discuss something relating to Zelena and the baby. Beyond those unavoidable situations, we keep our distance. And that's all right.

Emma, on the other hand, I can't seem to avoid. She's always there, no matter where I am or what I'm doing. Well, maybe not always, and not in direct proximity to me, but often enough that she feels like an extension of myself, a guardian angel of sorts. It's a comforting sensation, except for the change in her looks. I'd love to say that the look suits her, but that's not exactly the truth. She's too pale now, too many sharp angles, and that jacket? The cowl on it is absurd. I'd rather she wear the hideous red leather one. Not that I'd tell her I prefer it, of course. That would be admitting something that I'm not ready for just yet.

And it's not the only thing. But this is neither the time nor the place for that right now. We need to focus on removing the darkness from Emma as soon as possible. 

*****

"Hey, Mom? Is it okay if I go hang out at Granny's for a little while?"

Glancing up from the report I've been reading, I smile at the sight of my son standing in the doorway of my office. His backpack is slung over one shoulder, and his hair is looking unkempt. He needs a haircut. Has that much time really passed already?

"I'm not sure. Who's going to be there and what will you be doing?"

"Just a couple kids from school. We're going to go over the plans for our group project for history, divide up the duties as evenly as possible. And maybe share a plate of fries or something."

"All right. If it's for homework purposes, I'm okay with it. Just don't fill up on junk food, okay? I've got a pot roast in the slow cooker at home and your other mother is coming over for dinner again."

His expression changes, and he starts to chew on his bottom lip. "Is Ma okay? She's been acting kind of weird the last few days. She hardly talks to me, and she's always working. And what's with the new look? It's not her, it's weird."

"She's clearly going through something that she's not ready to talk about yet," I say as I stand and move across the room to hug him. "And you know she's working just as hard as I am to figure out how to get rid of the darkness."

"I know, and I trust that you'll both figure it out. Did-- Did she break up with Hook? I haven't seen him in a while now, and I swear I saw his ship in the harbor the other day, but I thought he gave it up."

"I don't know, Henry, but maybe I can ask her about that tonight after dinner."

He nods and returns the hug, head resting on my shoulder. "Thanks, Mom. I'm glad you're helping her overcome the darkness. I want Ma back, so we can be a family again."

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nod. "I know you do, Henry. I want the same thing. Now, go over to Granny's and do what you need to. Just be home by six for dinner, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Mom."

And then he's gone. I stand there for a moment more, watching his back retreat as he leaves, lost in memories of him in these very halls over the years. My baby boy is growing up into a fine young man, and I can't stop the steady progression of time. A deep sigh is my signal to get back to my report. I can't very well let my son see me shirking my own duties. Turning around to head back to my desk, I stop dead in my tracks as I see her sitting in my chair.

"E-Emma? What are you doing here?" Realizing how rude that sounds, I sigh and shake my head. "That came out wrong. I just wasn't expecting you until dinner tonight."

"It's okay. We're still on for dinner. I just needed to see you."

There's an odd quality to her voice that has me intrigued. When she glances sharply to her right with a slight jump, I can't help but follow her gaze and have a similar reaction to seeing that red leather jacket on the couch. Emma scowls and gets up to take the jacket in her hands, cradling it close like a lifeline.

"Are you sure you're all right, Emma?"

"No," she finally says, meeting my gaze with such sadness in her eyes, it makes my chest ache. "I just-- I know you have work to do, but can I just stay here for a while? I won't say a word or anything. I just need the quiet that comes from not dealing with anyone else."

"I'm bored out of my mind with reports today. If you'd rather talk?"

The question hangs heavily between us for a moment, then she shakes her head. "No, not now. I'm not ready for that just yet. Maybe after dinner?"

"All right, I'm holding you to that, you know."

She smiles at my words and, as I walk past her, I feel the strangest urge to hug her. Our friendship has grown so much stronger in the last couple of years, and I hate to see her hurting like this. My arms pull her close, guiding her head to my shoulder, a repeat of the same pose with Henry just moments ago. She stiffens slightly, but relaxes and nuzzles her face into the side of my neck. I can feel her sniffing my skin, and assume she likes the perfume or powder that I'm wearing. Her own arms tighten around my waist, and goose bumps rise on my skin as she lets out a soft sigh.

"Whatever it is, Emma, you know you can talk to me about anything. I'm not going to judge you. I may mock you, but not maliciously. We're past that now."

"We are?"

"Of course, we are. You are my closest friend, Emma, even if I've perhaps been reluctant to admit it in the past. If we can't be honest with each other without hesitation, who can we?"

It takes a moment before Emma nods in agreement, a moment in which she presses her nose into the side of my neck again. If I'm not mistaken, her lips brush against my skin, too. The sensation is… Butterflies explode into flight in my stomach and I can't stop my own hand from shifting up to cradle the base of her skull in comfort.

Perhaps that report can wait after all.

*****

"How do you always know exactly what to make for dinner when I'm coming over, Regina?" Emma asks nearly three hours later as we sit down to dinner in the dining room.

Henry laughs as he brings in a big bowl of salad, his own contribution to tonight's meal. He holds the door open for me to bring in the plate laden with slices of perfectly cooked roast beef and vegetables. Once I'm through the doorway, he heads back into the kitchen for the gravy boat.

"Are you sure there's nothing I can help with? I hate feeling like I'm not pulling my weight around here."

Before I can speak, Henry pipes up from the kitchen, "You can always do the dishes. I wouldn't be upset if you took that on tonight."

"Henry Daniel Mills," I call to him, stammering out the words around my startled laughter. "Are you trying to con your way out of doing your chores?"

"Um, no?" he says with a sheepish grin as he returns to the dining room with the gravy and the rolls. "I was just mentioning that it was an option if Ma wanted to do it. But I know the value of doing my chores, and I'd tell her no, even if she offered."

Rolling my eyes as I take my seat, I point to Emma sitting to my right. "Somehow this is your fault. Or perhaps his father's? I'm not sure."

She snorts then. "Neal wasn't that smooth of a talker, unless he was in the middle of a job. And me? I'm a blabbermouth, so…" Her words trail off as she gives me a shy smile and shrugs her shoulders.

"You're lucky I adore you both, or this could be a very different dinner," I finally say, then motion to the center of the table. "Fill up your plates, you two. The food isn't going to eat itself, and it's not as good when it's cold."

The next several minutes are spent in a comfortable silence as we plate and consume our food. Emma eats like she hasn't had a proper meal in days, despite the fact that I've made sure she's had lunches available to her at the station, and I know that Snow cooks dinner in that house. If not, Granny always knows how to make Emma's stomach happy. But I can't help the surge of pride that Emma always wants to be here for dinners, wants the camaraderie and the results of my culinary skills.

"So, Henry, what's the group project for your history class about?"

"We're researching different ancient cultures and their contributions to modern society. My group has Egypt. I wanted to be in the Greece group, but apparently I'm considered too much of an expert on that." He grins at me, and I echo the gesture. "Like I can help it that my mom read me Greek myths and stuff when I was growing up."

"You read him Greek myths growing up?" Emma's eyes light up at that, and she looks more like she used to in this moment. "I loved those! And, kid, if you need any help with the Egyptian stuff, let me know, okay? I got totally into those myths because of the _Mummy_ and _Indiana Jones_ movies."

"Awesome! I'll see what everyone else gets for their research first, then check with you guys. I'm kind of excited. We even get to make a webpage on the school servers for part of our project. I'm the head guy in charge of doing that for my group. I'm excited to do that part of the project. I get to collate all of the research as my team gathers it, then set up the website."

"So you're not doing actual research yourself?" I frown at this news, but can't help being caught up in Henry's enthusiasm. "That doesn't seem fair."

"Well, no one else in the group wants to do the website. They don't like the rules we have to follow. Plus, I have this great idea for it, so they gladly let me do it. And if they don't do their research properly, I'll blow the whistle on them. I don't mind doing my share, but I'm not gonna do their work for them, too."

"That's my boy," Emma says. "You fight for your fair share, but don't let anyone ride on your coattails."

*****

Once dinner is done, Henry and Emma clear the table and share dish duty while I portion up the leftovers, filling a grocery bag with several servings for Emma to take to the station. When she tries to protest the quantity, I simply remind her of the times her own father has stolen her lunches from the fridge. A round of hugs is next, then Henry is off to his room to finish his night's homework and go to bed. We all know he'll read that new stack of comic books I picked up on my lunch hour today, but no one needs to mention it. He knows my rule for bedtime.

Emma and I head into the study, like we do pretty much every night after a family dinner. Glasses of cider are poured before we settle on the couch. Emma takes the time to start a fire, the warmth filling the room quickly enough.

"So you want to fill me in on the new look?" I finally ask her. "You've sidestepped the question for three days now."

She squirms slightly and takes a sip of her drink. "I, um, I did something three nights ago. You know, after I left here."

Leaning closer to her, I wait for her to continue. Without thought, that kiss of ours pops up in my mind again, and my fingers move unbidden to my lips. It's immediately followed by that neck kiss earlier today in my office.

"Emma? What happened? Is it because I kissed you?"

She laughs then, a harsh, brittle sound. "I wish it was that simple." She falls silent for another moment. "Killian's gone. He and his crew left the morning after we--" She gestures vaguely between us, but won't meet my gaze. "He won't be back again."

Okay, that has me curious. "What does that mean? And is that what caused the big shift in your appearance?"

Emma sets her glass on the coffee table and stands to start pacing. "You spent a lot of time around Gold when he was training you, right?" She glances over at me long enough to see me nod. "Did he ever sleep?"

I wasn't expecting that. Thinking back, I wrack my brain for any memories of that sort. "No, I don't remember him ever sleeping. But I never spent the night in his castle when I was training. I was a married woman and a queen. I had to return to my husband to avoid him even finding out I was training with Rumpel. Why do you ask?"

"I haven't slept a wink since I became the Dark One. I literally just lie in bed and count how many times my soundtrack starts over on my phone, or how many cracks are in the ceiling. There are seventeen major ones that should probably get repaired and about ten minor ones, in case you were wondering."

"Perhaps you should mention that to your father?"

She shrugs and settles back on the couch. "So I've taken to walking at night. I kind of roam the town and check things out. I have a good collection of locations where it's best to view the stars or places where you can hear the waves or the seals the best."

"Well, that certainly explains the shape you're in."

"You've noticed how I look?" Her eyes narrow as she studies my face.

"I-- I care about you, Emma, you know that. I want to know that you're all right. If that means tacitly watching you for signs of ill health, then so be it."

That's the closest thing she'll ever get to a confession of my eyes following her every move any time she's near me.

"Okay, good to know. But I'm fine. And then some nights, I make dreamcatchers. I don't know why I make them. I don't use them for anything, but they're pretty and they make me feel calmer." She shakes her head then. "Yes, I know I'm rambling, just shut up about it, okay?"

"I-- What?"

"Not you, Regina. Hea-- Um, remember when Henry and I did that binge watch of _Battlestar Galactica_? I kind of have my own version of Head Six. Only it's me, or a darker version of me. In fact, she was the first one to wear this getup of mine. She's kind of my guide for being a Dark One, I guess?"

"Well, that's interesting. If it weren't for the fact that I'm trying to save you from the darkness, I'd be pumping you for information about this. None of our research on Dark Ones has uncovered anything quite like this, and the imp is still comatose."

"Yeah… Anyway, so the other night after I left here, I went home and pretended to go to bed, like I do every night. My mom doesn't need to know that I'm not sleeping at all. She already worries about and fears me too much as it is. So I snuck out and ended up down by Henry's old castle. Hook showed up, drunk as usual, and we got into an argument of sorts. I ended up taunting him about Milah and then we broke up and…" She scrubs at her face, but I still see the glitter of angry tears in her eyes. "And then I nearly killed him."

"What?"

"Don't hate me, okay? Heroes don't kill, I know, but we've kind of established that I haven't really been a hero since I killed Cruella, so this shouldn't be a surprise. Plus, I'm the Dark One now, which changes all the rules of hero-ship anyway."

"But you didn't kill him, Emma. That has to count for something, right?"

She shrugs and takes another sip of her cider. "I guess so. I was stopped from following through, but I wanted to do it so badly. But I didn't. Instead, I returned his ship to him, told him to leave and never come back or I'd kill him."

"What stopped you?" When she doesn't answer, simply drains her glass, I ask again.

"I did."

"Oh fuck, not again."

Two voices, one known, one not, sound at almost the same time. Turning, I see a young man sitting in the chair I once used as a makeshift throne in my first showdown with Emma. He wears clothes that look familiar to me in ways that I haven't thought about in years.

"Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my home?"

He smiles, but his eyes are trained on Emma. "You haven't figured it out yet, have you, Emma? Perhaps she can help you. After all, I'm the man she and your friends are looking for."


	9. Chapter 9

" _I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back_  
_The less I give the more I get back_  
_Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise_  
_I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you_ "  
\-- "Poison & Wine" [Williams/White/Lindsey]

 

" _You're_ Merlin?"

The incredulity in Regina's voice matches my own curiosity.

"At your service, Your Majesty."

And then it hits me hard enough that I slap my own forehead for my stupidity. "Oh my god! Of _course_ , you are. Did you specifically choose to visit me for the first time when I was watching _The Sword in the Stone_ , or was that just some happy fucking coincidence?"

Head!me is babbling incoherently in my head, drowning out the conversation between Regina and the mysterious Merlin for a couple minutes. I reach for my glass of cider, but the damned thing is empty. Before I can get up to refill it, that cup of water appears on the table in front of me. When I glance up, he offers me a gentle smile. Remembering what it felt like to drink the cool, clean water, I drain it in two swallows. He turns his attention back to Regina, but there's a full cup of water in my hands again. I don't need to be told twice what to do. Each mouthful calms head!me's chatter until peace reigns again.

"Better now, Emma?"

I nod slowly, feeling a smile spread across my face. My lips part to thank him, but Regina snatches the cup from my hand first.

"What the hell did you give her? What was in this cup?"

Merlin chuckles and the cup is filled again. "Drink it, Regina."

"Not until you tell me what it is. How do I know you're not going to poison me or put me under some controlling spell or something?"

"If I really wanted to do that, it would already be done. Where is your trust for the one person who might know how to save your beloved Savior?"

Regina stares at him, then turns to look at me, and I meet her gaze willingly and nod. "It's okay, Regina. My superpower hasn't been pinging with him yet, so I trust him. Plus, it's really tasty stuff."

She brings the cup up to her face, sniffing at it before taking a tentative sip. The tension in her shoulders starts to bleed off almost instantly as she swallows the water. Merlin and I wait patiently as she finishes the rest of it. Okay, Merlin waits patiently. I keep sneaking glances at him from the corner of my eye. I don't know what he's here for, but it feels better to know that Regina can see him, too. It means he's not another figment of my fucking imagination, like head!me is.

"What was that?" Regina asks as she hands the cup back, almost in a daze. "It works like a day at a spa."

"Water from the well in the woods," Merlin replies with a chuckle. "It has powerful recuperative powers for mind, heart, and soul, especially if you know how and when to gather it up. If you should need more, you simply call my name and ask. When my work here is done, I'll teach you how to do it yourselves."

"How did we not know it could do that?"

"All in good time, Regina. Right now, we have more important things to focus on."

Two sets of brown eyes turn to look at me. I can't help the squirming, not from being in the hot seat like this. At the same time, I know that these are the two people that are most able to help me. If they can't figure this out, I'm stuck as the Dark One for who knows how long. I mean, Gold had the job for like three hundred years. How fucking boring and lonely that sounds! I don't think I could handle everyone I know or love dying and leaving me behind. I have enough abandonment issues already.

"What? Do I have something in my teeth?"

Merlin chuckles and shakes his head. "I'm curious about something, Emma. What do you remember about our first meeting? What sticks with you the most?"

That question makes me frown in confusion. "What do you mean? I was afraid you'd kick me out for sneaking in and stealing that Apollo bar. I just wanted something to eat and to get away from the Andersons for a while. I-- I knew they were going to send me back soon, and I just wanted an afternoon to be by myself before going back there to yelling and the task of packing my few things to be sent back to the home."

"Oh, Emma," Regina whispers, the words little more than a breath. Her hand reaches across the couch to rest on my knee. Without looking, I know her eyes are bright with unshed tears. "I'm--"

"No! Don't you apologize, Regina. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was. Just like it's my fault you're what you are now. You did this for me, you made this huge sacrifice for me and my happiness, even after all the horrible things that happened in your life, thanks to me and my obsessive need for vengeance. This is all my fault, Emma." She turns to face Merlin then, and I notice a single tear slip down her cheek. "Merlin, please, whatever it takes, I want the darkness removed from Emma. You are the only hope we have."

"No, Regina, I'm not the only hope you have," Merlin replies, an enigmatic smile on his face. "You have to believe that you can do what is required of you, too."

"Me? I don't understand. I'm one of the bad guys, remember? I can try for redemption, but villains don't get happy endings." She furtively glances at me. "No matter how hard we try, it's just not in the cards for us."

"Villains and heroes are opposite sides of the same spectrum, just as love and anger are connected. You'd be surprised to learn how many villains are actually heroes and vice versa. Charismatic behaviors can go a great distance to swaying the opinions of the masses. Most people won't even see the lie for what it is until it's too late."

His words remind me of that meeting the other day, before I first was reunited with him. "Like the Blue Fairy? She's hiding something. My superpower's been pinging off on her for a while now."

"Reul Ghorm?" He smiles then, fingers steepling in front of his chest. "Yes, she isn't exactly all she seems. And yes, she is quite charismatic, despite her apparent aloofness."

"I fucking knew it!"

*****

By the time Merlin leaves us, I feel more exhausted and wrung out than when I had Henry or when I had to admit wishing Neal was still dead in Neverland. Both of us have had at least two more cups of that water. God help me if that well ever dries up. I could definitely use some more right now, or maybe some of that cider.

"I can't believe you've been spying on me, Emma."

"It wasn't spying exactly. I was making sure I knew what was being planned from your research. I know there are people who wouldn't tell me the truth because they don't trust me or they fear me."

"Then ask me. You know I'd never lie to you."

Before I can stop them, the words just tumble out. "Then did you mean to kiss me three nights ago?"

"I--"

Regina can't get out more than the one word without her voice cracking. She coughs and takes a healthy gulp of her cider. The stalling tactic is fine with me. I can feel my own cheeks burning from my audacity. Head!me is cackling at the implications, and I want to punch her in the mouth in the worst way right now.

"Yes, I did," Regina finally says. "But I intended to kiss your cheek. It was a thank you, that's all."

My superpower is tripping right now, and I chuckle softly. "You can't lie to me, Regina, remember? I always know whether you're telling the truth or not."

She takes another gulp of her drink before getting up to pace. For a moment or two, she won't even look at me, but I'm not too worried. I know this body language. She just needs to figure out how to phrase her thoughts. This is a rare and unguarded moment for her, allowing this inner turmoil to show. I am honored that she trusts me enough to see her like this.

"Does it really matter why I kissed you, Emma?" she finally whispers.

"It does to me," I reply in just as soft a tone.

Turning to face me, Regina lets the mask fall away completely. The raw emotions in her eyes are a punch to the gut. Her arms wrap around her waist, a sign I know to be self-protection against attack.

"When I learned that Robin wasn't my True Love, I was angry and felt truly betrayed. And then, even before I saw those tender moments between him and Zelena, I was just relieved. My heart was no longer torn between what was fated and what was wanted."

"Y-You didn't want Robin, did you?" When she shakes her head, lower lip trembling, I have to ask the question that even head!me wants to know. "Who did you want?"

She shakes her head again. "It doesn't matter. Y-- That person is already spoken for."

"Don't lie to me, Regina." My feet take me across the room to stand in front of her, cupping her cheek in one hand. "Please."

"Hook is your True Love." Her voice cracks again as she leans into my touch. "I can't compete with that."

"You don't have to compete with anything. He's not my T-- He lost that when he lost Milah."

"But--"

"If he really was, your sister's magic spell to remove my powers wouldn't have worked, would it? True Love is the most powerful magic. It can break any curse." I let out a soft sigh and try to get her to smile with one of my own. "He was safe and what people expected of me, including my parents. He was never really what I wanted. I was settling."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because the person I wanted to be with wasn't easy to get a bead on initially. And then, by the time I was working up the courage to approach her, she was dealing with her own True Love situation."

"Oh."

A tear slips down her cheek, and I catch it with my thumb. I want to kiss it away, but I'm afraid to move and break this moment.

"So I did the next best thing. I made sure that she could have her happy ending by taking on all of the darkness of the collected Dark Ones past."

"But he wasn't--"

"I know that now, but even if I knew it then, I'd have done the same thing. You've come so far in these past few years, Regina. I couldn't let you sacrifice all of that work, all of that goodness, to become the epitome of evil. Besides, I knew you could find a way to fix my stupidity, just like you always have. I knew you would step up and become the Savior that I needed, still need."

"I don't want to let you down," she says, licking her lips nervously.

My smile grows broader then. "You won't."

And then I lean in and press my lips gently to hers. There's a suppleness that's inviting, and I can't imagine her lips ever being cracked and rough like mine are so often. My free hand moves to cup her other cheek, framing her face as the tip of my tongue darts out to stroke across her bottom lip. Regina's moan makes me repeat the touch, then lightly graze her skin with my teeth before resting my forehead against hers.

"Be honest with me, Regina, and you'll never let me down."


	10. Chapter 10

" _I'm wide awake  
Yeah, I am born again  
Out of the lion's den  
I don't have to pretend_"  
\-- "Wide Awake" [Perry/Gottwald/Martin/McKee/Walter]

 

Morning dawns far too early for my taste, and I feel sore, dry mouthed, and cold. An attempt to pull up the covers causes my mattress to shift under me. What the hell?

"Shh, sleeping now."

That's not Henry's voice. And he hasn't slept with me in several years now. It takes a moment, but last night comes back to me in a blur of sounds and sensations. Cracking my eyes open, I squint at the sunshine pouring in through the study windows. But it frames her face, making her as radiant as an angel. I can't help the smile stretching my lips at the sight of her. In sleep, Emma looks more like the young woman I imagine she was when she gave birth to Henry. No cares, no worries, no weight of the world on her shoulders.

"Can we just stay like this?"

"No talking," she mumbles, blindly reaching up toward my face before pressing her hand to my lips. "Sleeping now."

I shrug and kiss her palm, then settle back against her chest. It may be a tacky jacket, but it's warmed by our combined body heat, and it adds to a nice pillow effect. Eyes closing, I let sleep drag me into its comforting depths again. The world can wait a little longer before placing demands on us.

*****

The twin sounds of text messages received wakes us at some later point. We both shoot up in a mad scramble to get our phones and, in the process, I land flat on my face on the floor. Thank god for that area rug under the couch. Cold hardwood floors aren't good for one's face remaining intact.

"What the fuck time is it?" Emma growls as she squints at her phone.

It takes a bit to get myself upright and leaning back against the couch before I can properly look at my phone. "Ten-thirty? That can't be possible." And then I flail a bit as I try to stand up. "I didn't get Henry off to school."

Emma's hand on my wrist stops me; just her touch is a soothing balm now. Imagine that. Just a dozen or so hours have passed, and already she's influencing my moods. I think I could get used to this. She smiles sleepily and tugs me back down to the couch.

"He's old enough to get ready for school on his own. And if he's still sleeping, we'll just make sure the school knows we've kept him home for a mental health day. If they don't like it, tough shit."

The chuckle bubbles up from deep in my belly. "You're a bad influence on us, did you know that?"

"And you've become a good influence on me. We balance each other out." She sighs then and starts typing a message. "My mother is freaking out that I didn't come home last night. I really need to get my own place. She's threatening to send Dad and Leroy out to look for me."

Her comment about needing her own place raises a single question for me, but I'm afraid to ask it, so I just check the messages on my own phone. One from Henry about buying lunch at school, and one from Snow. The latter makes me chuckle. "Your mother has asked me if I know your whereabouts. You _do_ realize just how badly I want to scandalize her by saying we slept together, don't you?"

"No, don't do that," she says, a devious smirk curving up her lips. "Falling asleep together and cuddling after a few very nice kisses and a lot of talking and crying is not worth that bombshell. Save that for when we _actually_ sleep together for the first time." And then she turns a deep shade of red. "Uh, I mean, if we ever do that. I'm not pressuring you for anything, Regina, I swear."

I shut her up with a sweet kiss. "It will happen when it's meant to happen. I'm certainly not going to deny either of us what we may want out of this. We've wasted enough time and energy on the wrong relationships because they were safe and we thought they were what was expected of us. Now we have the chance to work together to build the relationship we want. No one else matters, well, except for Henry, of course."

"He'll probably be thrilled when we tell him. He probably had some sort of code name for it, too." She chews on her bottom lip. "When do we want to tell him?"

Shaking my head, I stroke her cheek. "It hasn't even been a full day yet. I think you and I are entitled to keep this to ourselves a little longer, don't you? Henry will understand."

*****

I hate the idea of leaving without Emma, but we both have commitments and duties to fulfill. She promised me, before heading to the loft to prepare for her night shift, that she'd text me often. Hopefully I'll be awake when she's done with work, and she can come over again. If not, it's all right.

Once at the office, I start looking over the budget reports that were dropped off last night. A small part of me wishes the curse was still in effect. It was far easier to run the town then. Nothing in my duties really deviated for nearly thirty years. Now, the reports are still just as boring, but I need to actually pay attention to them in order to keep this town running smoothly. It's a good thing my assistant has been so reliable all these years. She helps cover things when I'm called upon for my other job of protecting this town and her citizens. Apparently last night, she tagged salient points in these particular reports for me. She deserves a hefty raise for her loyalty and good work.

Turning on the classical radio station, I lose myself in my work. Despite the boredom, there's an odd sense of comfort in the solidity of numbers and facts. At the same time, it allows my mind to wander toward this newest development in my life. It's still so foreign to consider that I could actually have my happy ending now. No tricks of fate, no prophecies to dictate how my life will play out. Just the random chance of finding the person that makes me feel like I truly matter and deserve happiness. Daniel did that. Henry does that. And now… Now there's Emma. A giddy giggle bubbles up past my lips, and I feel like that teenager in the throes of first love.

A knock at the door startles me, but I call for the person to come in. A little break might be good for me. My curiosity is piqued when Belle walks in with a strange, almost manic smile on her face. She's carrying a large book that looks vaguely familiar, as well as the ever present bell jar.

"To what do I owe this visit, Belle?"

It feels good to know that we can work past our issues to get to this point. I don't want enemies anymore, and I certainly don't want to ignore any chances at restitution and redemption on my part for my horrible behaviors in the past.

"So, I was working on the library, shelving and taking inventory of the books, as I like to do." The gleam in her eyes is almost contagious right now. "And this book just appeared on the shelf I was working on. I'd glanced over at the bell jar Blue gave me for Rumpel, and when I looked back, it was sitting there."

That's enough to get me up and moving over to the couch, motioning for her to join me. Once we're settled, she holds the book out to me. It's larger than I'm used to seeing in this land, but similar in size and style to the books Rumpel and Maleficent both had in their magical libraries. There might even still be one or two in Mother's things down in my vault.

"I glanced through it, trying to figure out what it was," she continues. "It looks like it's a book on some of the history of the Dark Ones past and a possible connection to Merlin that we didn't think about."

The instant Merlin's name is mentioned, my mind races back to the conversation last night. He did hint at opportunities for us to work toward removing the darkness and tethering it somehow. But I'm not sure I can mention that he's here, especially not after his intimations about Reul Ghorm's motives.

"Where do you think it came from?"

She shrugs then. "I'm not sure. If Merlin's real, he's trapped in a tree somewhere that no one's ever been able to find in all these years. We can't even start to figure out how to release him until we know where he is and what kind of magic has trapped him."

"And with Rumpel still in his coma, the only one that might give us any clues is out of the picture."

"Not necessarily."

"Oh? You have my full attention now, dear."

"The legend of King Arthur, at least in this land, is that he and Excalibur were taken to Avalon, where he would rest until the world had need of him again. What if that mythology actually got flipped around in translation from our lands to this land?"

"So you're saying that _Merlin_ has Excalibur and will rise again to save the world? What an interesting twist to the tales."

In my mind's eye, I can see that sly, enigmatic smile on the face of the man in question. He wore it often last night in our long and intense conversation. I can only guess that this book was placed where Belle would find it on purpose. What other reason could there be for it showing up now?

"It's certainly a possi--" She trails off then as her phone buzzes. The smile on her face grows incandescently brighter and her hands shake slightly. "I-- Can we possibly wait until tomorrow's meeting to discuss this more? I need to get to the hospital."

"Is everything all right?"

"I don't know. Rumpel might be waking up."

Even given my issues with the man, I can't help but be caught up in her enthusiasm. "Go. If you need anything, let me know. I can reschedule the meeting if necessary. I'm sure Reul Ghorm will understand."

She gathers up the bell jar, but leaves the book with me as she races out of my office.

I think the rules of the game just changed in a _major_ way.


	11. Chapter 11

" _I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you  
And I need you like a heart needs a beat, but it's nothin' new (yeah)_"  
\-- "Apologize" [Tedder]

 

"Pot roast?" comes from the break room. "Oh, this isn't fair!"

I can't help but laugh at the terribly comical pout on my dad's face as he comes back into the room where we're going over shift change info. He's just come back from a patrol that included chasing Pongo across the park, and in need of a drink.

"You honestly think I'm gonna eat _six_ portions of pot roast and veggies tonight?"

"Well--"

"Yeah, I know Regina's a fantastic cook, but I'm not _that_ much of a pig!" At least he has the good grace to look sheepish. "Though if you're gonna think that, maybe I'll just keep the three that are yours."

His head shoots up, mood brightening like a kid on Christmas morning. "Half of those are mine?" If I didn't know better, I'd swear he's actually giggling right now. "Oh, tell Regina thank you and, um... Okay, this is going to sound bad, but don't tell your mom. She tries so hard to cook like Regina, but--"

"Not quite the same, I know," I say, finishing the sentence for him. "Your secret's safe with me."

We fall into the simple patterns of our job then, discussing the things happening around town. He catches me up on my little brother's antics, and apologizes profusely for Mom's overreactions this morning. As we talk, I pull out my phone to text Regina.

           _Dad says thanks for the pot roast._

I want to say so much more, but we really haven't gotten past the initial stages of this new relationship. I don't want to overstep my bounds, so I just send the message. Almost immediately, there's a reply.

           _Tell David that he's welcome and not to eat it all in one sitting. ;)_

Chuckling, I lift up my phone for Dad to see. "See? She likes you if she's teasing you." While I say this, another message comes through.

           _And that goes for you, too. Fat and lazy gets you killed, and I want you around for a long time._

The fact that his eyebrows rise up into his hairline worries me. Turning my phone back around, I blush slightly as I read the message.

           _Dad saw that. I may be in trouble?_

"You and Regina seem to be on good terms again," Dad says in a neutral tone, but his eyes belie his curiosity at that text.

"Yeah, I'm really happy with how strong our friendship's grown over the last year or two. I'm lucky to have her in Henry's life, and in mine."

He nods slowly, rubbing at the back of his head, then meets my gaze again. "So what happened with Killian?"

"We split up and he left," I say with a shrug. "I told you and Mom that already. He's been weird ever since he gave up his ship anyway, and me being the Dark One just messed with his mind too much, I guess. It's okay though. He's happy on his ship, doing what he's always done. And I'm here, working on getting my life back in order."

"With Regina's help?"

I can't help the soft smile at the mention of her name. "I'm lucky to have her."

"Yeah, you said that already." He chuckles then and claps me on the back. "You look just as besotted as I did when your mother and I first got together."

"But--"

"Your secret's safe with me, Emma. I won't say anything to anyone, especially your mother, until you're ready. Just be careful, okay? You're both important to this family, and I'd hate to see all the good we've all done together ruined because of it."

When he leaves at the end of his shift, I return to my phone.

           _So Dad knows & will keep our secret, esp. from Mom. He's happy 4 us._

Part of me fears Regina's reaction to this, but I also know how close she and Dad have grown in the last year or so. Ever since Neverland, he's really been supportive of her, and I think it's really helped with her redemption.

           _He just doesn't want to lose my cooking. ;)_

*****

Midnight can't come quickly enough. I am bored out of my skull and just want to go talk to Regina again. Even more than that, I want to see if I can actually sleep again tonight. I'm still reeling from the realization that I slept last night with her. It's the first time since I took on the mantle of the Dark One.

"You know, you're very different from all of the other Dark Ones in history."

Whipping around, I see Merlin sitting on the desk that used to be mine when I was a lowly deputy sheriff. He smiles as he adjusts his robe around his cross-legged position. His elbows then rest on his knees, chin on his interlaced fingers.

"That's gonna seriously take some getting used to," I reply, but come out from my office to sit in the chair at the same desk. "But what do you mean?"

"Outside of the original Dark One, each successor to the position has had a ghost of their predecessor to guide them through the ways of being a Dark One. Maybe ghost is the wrong word. What was it you called yours?"

"Head!me," I reply. "It's a reference from a TV series Henry and I watched a few months back."

"Yes, that was it. It's an interesting term, but apropos to the reality of it."

"Thank Ron Moore and his fellow writers for that one. It's brilliant. So, um, she's supposed to be teaching me how to be a Dark One? She's not really doing all that great a job of it. She mostly screeches at me when I do something that isn't dark enough, or encourages me when I am doing that kind of stuff. But the darkness itself feels separate from her. Is it supposed to be that way?"

"No, it's not." He tilts his head to the side, studying my face for a moment or two before continuing. "You are very atypical to the normal Dark One incarnations. Most people willingly surrender to the darkness and the power it offers them. They learn their job rather quickly and wreak their havoc until they're killed and replaced. But you… You haven't done any of that, Emma. Yes, you had the one blatant fall to darkness, which caused your current looks and conflictions, but that's been it. Your light magic is every bit as strong as the darkness, and you straddle the line of balance with them."

"So… Head!me shouldn't be me, but Gold? But he's still alive. Comatose, but not dead, so is that why I have head!me?"

He smiles then, and I get the sensation that I've impressed my teacher. I've always liked that feeling. "That's part of it, yes. When the darkness felt Rumpelstiltskin's body was failing, it should have signaled his death, particularly after three hundred years of it. That's a lot of stress on a body, even with magic. Or perhaps because of the magic."

"So how is he still alive then? Do you know? And just how do you know so much about the Dark Ones?"

"Go fix yourself one of those meals from Regina," he says with a smile. "Get a drink, whatever else you may need. This is going to take some time to explain."

*****

At eleven forty-five, long after Merlin has filled my poor head with more information than I know what to do with, I get a text from Regina.

           _Are you coming over tonight? I had a strange conversation with Merlin._

"Why am I not surprised?" I mutter and start typing my reply.

           _So did I. I need to just feel like Emma tonight. Is that okay?_

The phone rings then, and I immediately answer it. "Hey."

"Hey," she says softly. "Are you okay?"

"Not sure? I'm still processing all this shit that got dumped in my lap. What did he tell you?"

As she launches into an explanation of her conversation with Merlin, I let myself get lost in the cadences of her voice. My body starts to feel heavy, and then Merlin's whole thing about Dark Ones and sleep comes back to my mind. Why am I so different from the rest of them?

"Emma? Did I lose you?"

"What?" I ask, blushing when I realize what I've done. "No, I'm sorry, Regina. My mind is wandering and I just can't wait to see you and maybe get some real sleep again tonight."

Her soft laughter filters through the phone, doing things to my libido that I haven't felt in quite a while. "Would you like me to make the couch more comfortable tonight, or…" She doesn't finish the question, and my mouth goes dry at the implications. "Just for sleep," she finally says.

"Just for sleep," I repeat and smile. "If it would be easier, you can put me in the guest room."

"I think we can behave enough to sleep in my bed. Besides, it's more comfortable than the guest room bed."

I am in _so_ much trouble with this woman.


	12. Chapter 12

" _I hear you're asking all around_  
If I am anywhere to be found  
But I have grown too strong  
To ever fall back in your arms"  
\-- "Jar of Hearts" [Perri/Lawrence/Yeretsian]

 

Over the next several days, we fall into a pattern that becomes more and more comfortable with time. No one knows that Merlin is here yet, as he wants to work only with the two of us. If he's our only hope to save Emma from this fate, I'll do whatever he says.

Emma's been sleeping here each night since the night we spent on the couch in my study. Henry's been surprisingly mature about this whole situation. I think he's just happy to have both of his mothers smiling again. We do our best not to get too demonstrative in front of him, but sometimes we can't help ourselves. I could spend hours just kissing and cuddling with her. I feel…

I feel like I'm two different people. One is the mayor of this town who happens to be a magic user and former evil queen. This me is very no nonsense and plays by the rules that will ensure my side wins. And then there's the emotional, impressionably in love young woman. This me wants nothing more than to spend all of my time with Emma, kissing, cuddling, telling each other stories of our lives. This me also wants to just pack up Emma and Henry and run away from here, leave all of these rules and problems behind us. But that's not practical.

Running away solves nothing. It only causes more trouble and separates Emma and Henry from the rest of their family. No, our best bet for our future is to stay and work through this, no matter what it takes. My family, all of them, deserve it. Even the ones I'm reluctant to call family.

*****

When lunch comes and goes with no sign of Emma, I start to worry. She's been very good about coming to see me, or at least meeting at Granny's for lunch. And I have news to share with her from the meeting this morning with Belle and Reul Ghorm. Pulling out my phone to send her a text message, I'm startled when it rings, showing David's face on the screen.

"David? Are you going to beg me for more pot roast?"

"Maybe later," he replies, sounding tense. "I need your help. Emma got a call on her phone about ten minutes ago that lasted a couple of minutes, then she tore out of here like an ogre was chasing her. She took the Bug and left skid marks. I'm not sure what happened, but she won't answer her phone or anything. I can't leave--"

"I'll go. I think I know where she went."

"Thank you, Regina. I'm just-- She really looked upset."

"I'll call you when I know she's okay."

Before the call is even disconnected, I'm on my feet and heading out the door. There's only two places I can think of that she'd run to. My house is out of the question because I'm not there. If she's upset, she'd come to find me. That means either the well or Henry's old castle. The latter seems more appropriate because of her comments about the waves making her feel calmer.

The drive there is quiet and tense, and I find myself wanting some of that lovely well water that Merlin's given us. It feels like I can't get to Emma fast enough. Just the sight of the Bug makes me feel better. I know she's here. Throwing the car into park, I get out and don't even bother to close or lock the door. I need to get to Emma.

"Emma?"

The air feels different now. Hot, heavy, and I can smell ozone. The sky is relatively cloudless and bright. I can see the column of smoke from a fire just past the location of Henry's old castle. And then I hear the screaming. Racing toward the smoke, I crest over the hill to see Emma frantically pacing around the bonfire, broken driftwood all around her, and run even faster to get to her.

"Emma! What's wrong?"

"All my fault! All my fucking fault!"

"What is?" I ask, getting closer, but watching her hands as magic sparks and arcs off of them. "What happened? Come sit down and we'll talk about it."

She turns to face me, eyes wide and wild, tear-stained streaks on her soot-smeared cheeks making her red lipstick stand out even more. "He's dead!"

Fear that something has happened to Henry hits me first, but I would have been contacted if that was the case. And then I worry about Merlin. No, somehow I think I would know that, too.

"Who's dead, Emma?"

The raw anger and anguish radiate off of her like heat from a fever. She stops pacing and presses the heels of her palms against her eyes. I take this moment to wrap my arms around her and pull her close. She shakes in my hold, arms tightly gripping me close as she buries her face against my neck. Without thought, I rub her back gently and press my lips to her hair. We stand there for a few moments, until she cries herself out and clings to me desperately.

"Hook is dead," she finally says, voice rough from the crying and screaming. "His buddy Smee called me earlier to tell me, said that Hook would have wanted it, regardless of how we parted ways."

"How did it happen? Did Smee tell you?"

She nods slowly and lets out a heavy sigh. "Somehow they managed to sail into Devil's Sea, over by Japan. I have no idea how they did that in a week, but that's really of no concern to me anymore. Maybe Merlin helped them get more distance from here. Don't know, don't care. There was a pretty nasty storm, and Hook was trying to secure the wheel when part of the mast broke free and hit him. It knocked him off-kilter and he went overboard and drowned."

I'm not even sure what to say to that, other than murmuring, "I'm sorry." What else _can_ one say in a situation like this?

"What are the odds? The thing he's been doing his entire, magically extended life is what kills him in the end because he managed to get himself into non-magical waters in a storm." She lets out a rough bark of laughter, the sound bordering on hysteria, and steps back to start pacing again. Thankfully the magic isn't doing a fireworks show off her fingertips anymore. "D-Do you think this is my fault, Regina? Because I wanted to kill him that night, but didn't?"

"No, Emma, I don't. I think Hook got a lot of chances and finally ran out. He died doing what he loved. If only we could all go the same way." I smile when she nods her head a bit. "And let's be honest. If the mast hit him before he hit the water, he was likely unconscious and felt no pain when he died. He's returned to the sea, his true first love. Let him rest in peace, Emma. There's no reason to blame yourself for this. Eventually his luck would have run out."

"So you're not upset that he's dead? Or happy, or anything?"

Her question pulls me up short. It shouldn't surprise me, and yet it does. "I'm not sure what I feel about it right now, other than the numb shock of learning that someone I know is dead."

"But you hated him."

"I strongly disliked him, but I understood where he came from as far as some of his nebulous morals. I only truly hated him for the way he willingly turned me over to Greg Mendel to be tortured. And…"

"And what?" I shake my head, but that won't stop my stubborn girlfriend from ferreting the information out of me. "Please, Regina, tell me. Let me focus on something other than my feelings of guilt."

Taking a deep breath, I meet her gaze and try to appear nonchalant. "And I always hated the way he treated you. Like you were a prize he won, rather than a human being with choices. I just never voiced my opinions because I knew I was biased against him for so many reasons."

Emma sighs heavily and wipes at the tears on her cheeks, only managing to smear more soot on her skin. Chuckling softly at the sight, I step closer and pull the handkerchief I tossed in my pants pocket this morning for no apparent reason. Unfortunately all my attempts to clean her face accomplish are streaking her face even more and potentially ruining the cloth.

"Let's get you home, Emma, and into a nice hot shower."

"Where's home?" Her question is soft, and she looks so lost again.

"Where do you think home is, sweetheart?" I ask, settling a hand over her heart. "Listen to your heart. What does it tell you?"

Emma goes quiet for several heartbeats, eyes closing as her head lowers. This movement also quenches the fire behind her. When she finally raises her head and opens her eyes, there is naked emotion there, and I have my answer before her lips even move.

"My home is where you are. You and Henry are the only people in this whole town that have completely supported me without hesitation." A tear slips down her cheek as she whispers, "Take me home, Regina?"

Holding out my hand, I'm elated when she takes it and lets me guide her back to my car. "We'll go home and you can go right upstairs and take as long and as hot a shower as you'd like. When you're done, I'll make you a nice mug of cocoa with cinnamon and homemade whipped cream, and I think I have some cookies that Henry hasn't devoured yet."

"What about my car?"

"I'll call Michael Tillman and have him come tow it home for you. I don't think you're in any shape to drive right now. Let me take care of you, all right?"

*****

Once back at the house, I send David a text to say that Emma is okay and with me, but don't tell him what happened. That's for Emma to do when she feels comfortable doing so. And then I call Michael to get the Bug towed here. I make the whipped cream and set it in the fridge and make sure that we have some Bailey's and Kahlua ready for adding whichever one Emma wants to her cocoa. Taking advantage of a rare junk food indulgence, I pull out the prepackaged dough to guarantee I'll have fresh, hot chocolate chip cookies for Emma to dip into her hot cocoa.

I putter around the kitchen as I wait for her to finish in the shower, putting together the ingredients for dinner. Tonight will be roasted chicken with all of the fixings. And tomorrow, I will make soup out of the leftover chicken, if there is any. This is something that I know both Emma and Henry will love. I think the only meal I make that they don't like is liver.

By the time Emma comes downstairs and into the kitchen, the bird is in the oven with veggies, and I'm working on the salad prep. I can hear her coming down the steps, but keep my attention on the sharp knife in my hand.

"Hey," she says softly as she sits on one of the stools at the island.

I smile as I look up at her. Her hair hangs loosely in damp curls, and she's wearing one of my old running sweatshirts and a pair of yoga pants. "Hey," I reply, setting down the knife to move to her side and kiss her lightly. "Feeling better?"

"A little. I hope you don't mind that I raided your closet. I just didn't want to wear that stuff for one night."

"It's fine. I'll get everything cleaned for you when you want it. Let me get your cocoa going."

I can feel her gaze on my back as I start heating the milk and chocolate. It's a comforting sensation, and I realize I could get very used to this kind of life with her. This easy domesticity is something I've craved my whole life.

"What were you doing when I came in?"

"Prepping the salad for dinner tonight. The chicken and veggies are already roasting in the oven."

"Can I help with the salad? I want to feel useful. You do so much for me."

Turning to face her, I smile and nod. "I would like that very much. When your cocoa is done, there will be cookies. Would you like Bailey's or Kahlua added?"

She laughs then, the sound closer to normal, which eases some of the bands of tension around my heart. "Bailey's would be great." She reaches over to grab the cutting board, knife, and veggies. After a few minutes, she says, "I could get used to this."

"You could?" A large group of butterflies burst into flight in my stomach.

"Yeah, I could. A home to call my own with you and Henry? Helping make dinner, even helping the kid with his homework, or having my own chores to do around the house? I'd love all of that."

"Move in with us."

"What?"

"I know this is really fast," I say, words tumbling out of my mouth so quickly, "and we've only been dating for about a week, but this feels right and I don't want to miss a minute of life with you. Please, Emma?"

It feels like an eternity, but is probably only a minute before she answers me.

"Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The location mentioned here, [Devil's Sea](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil's_Sea), is a supposedly paranormal location that is like, and linked to, the Bermuda Triangle. It seemed a fitting location for what happens in this chapter.


	13. Chapter 13

" _I'm taking it slow_  
_Feeding my flame_  
_Shuffling the cards of your game_  
_And just in time_  
_In the right place_  
_Suddenly I will play my ace_ "  
\-- "Eyes on Fire" [Wilner]

 

"Emma? What are you doing?"

I can't help that I jump at the sound of her voice. You'd think after all these years of living in this room, I'd recognize the sound of her footsteps on the stairs. Or maybe I've just gotten _too_ used to it. Either way, I'm a little jumpy right now.

"Um, going through my stuff?"

You're such a chicken shit, Swan! Just tell her what's going on. She wants you to be happy, and she knows you've been considering moving out ever since you got your memories back and found out she was pregnant. Maybe even before that. Just man up and tell her.

"Oh. But it looks like you're packing? Is something wrong?"

Taking a deep breath, I turn to face her, pushing the box to the side to pat the mattress next to me. When she sits, I smile and take her hand before she does it to me.

"I'm not sure how else to say this, so I'm just gonna be honest with you. Mom, I'm moving out."

"You're-- What? You found your own place?"

I want to lie, keep her in the dark a little longer. As much as I hate to admit it, Regina's right that Mom can't keep a secret to save her soul. If she knows about me and Regina, everyone will know. I'm not ready for that yet. But I also know how much it'll hurt her when she finds out she's been lied to. Damn…

"Kind of, yes. Regina's agreed to rent her guest room to me."

"Rent her-- But why?"

"A lot of reasons. It's easier for us to co-parent Henry if we're both there to deal with things that happen. And we're working on getting rid of the darkness, so if we're together, the research is shared more easily. Not to mention that I've been over there pretty much every night for the last week or so anyway. It just makes sense."

Nothing I'm saying is an outright lie. I'm just not telling her the primary reason, that's all. And she'll know that eventually anyway.

"Oh…" She frowns then, picking at a loose thread on the bedspread. "But you could stay here still, Emma. It's not like we'd deny you the ability to come and go as you please."

"I know that, and that's not what this is about. You and Dad don't need your adult daughter hanging around when Neal could be given this room. You know I've been wanting to get my own place for a while now. I just can't find anything that I like. Regina's giving me an option that feels really good. And I'll see you all the time. It's not that big of a change, if you really think about it."

Mom nods and stands up. "I'll, um, I'll just leave you to your packing. When are you moving?"

"Soon. In the next couple of days. Regina's gotta rearrange some stuff in the guest room for me."

"All right." She puts on a bright smile then, but I can see it doesn't quite make it to her eyes. "Well, I'm going to go make lunch now. I'll call you down when it's ready, okay?"

I smile and nod. "That sounds great, Mom. I'm getting a little hungry as it is."

She nods and heads back downstairs. I pull the box back to me, then sigh and grab my phone, texting Regina.

           _Told MM you're renting me the guest room._

Her reply comes in pretty quickly.

           _It's not exactly a lie, you know._

And then I hear the house line ring downstairs. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I sneak closer to the door to listen in.

"Hello? Oh, Regina. Emma and I were just talking about you. What? I don't-- Well, yes, she's been on time with her portion of the rent. It's really just a formality, of course, but it makes her feel involved. No, she hasn't hosted any p-- May I ask why this conversation is even happening?"

The sound of a pan lid hitting the floor startles me, and I step out of my room to glance downstairs and make sure she's all right.

"Oh, no, it's all right. I just lost my grip on something. Um, yes, I guess I would recommend Emma as a good renter. No, there's nothing that I'm hiding from you, Regina. I just will miss her when she moves out, that's all."

And then I can't eavesdrop anymore, so I head back into my room to finish packing up my closet. I have a truly weird life. In a few minutes, my phone buzzes again, and I just know it's Regina.

           _I took care of the situation for you. When are you going to be here?_

Her impatience to see me is palpable, and I can't help but chuckle.

           _As soon as I get everything packed & in the bug. Miss me?_

I barely send the message when a cloud of purple smoke surrounds me. When it dissipates, all of my things are packed up in boxes and neatly stacked by the door.

           _Hurry up, or I'll just magic your things over here._

What am I getting myself into? And why did I wait so long to be honest with her about my feelings?

*****

Lunch is a quiet thing. Neal's happy babbling keeps it from being really awkward. I know my mom's not happy with me moving out, but I don't know if the Regina aspect of it is causing more or less stress for her. Swallowing a mouthful of my sandwich, I smile at her.

"Mom, are you upset that I'm moving out?"

"No!" Her answer is quick. "Well, I don't know."

"Or is it because I'm moving in with Regina specifically?"

She shakes her head, but doesn't say anything for a long moment. "It's just that I don't want to lose you, Emma. You're my daughter."

"Mom, it's not like I'm moving back to Boston or going to New York. I'm at the mansion with Regina and our son. I can be here in ten minutes if I drive, less than that if I use magic. I'm not leaving you completely. I'm just taking a step that I need to take for me, that's all."

"I know, and I _do_ understand it. It'll just take me a little time, I guess."

"How about this? Once we're settled into our new routine at the mansion, I'll talk to Regina about inviting you, Dad, and Neal over for dinner and a family movie night. Will that work?"

There are tears in her eyes, but her smile actually reaches them this time. "Yes, that will definitely work. And we can have the three of you over here sometime for the same thing."

"Good. Then that's what we aim for. And I'll still come say hello and spoil my brother like I do now."

*****

When Dad shows up for a late lunch, he helps me pack my boxes into the Bug, then distracts Mom while I drive away. I do my best to obey the speed limit, but I really want to get to my new home with my family. When I turn up Mifflin and the house is in sight, my heart starts beating faster. And then I see her standing on the front step. She looks so beautiful as she stands there. It's sad how excited I am, isn't it?

"It's about time you get here!" she says, hands on her hips, as I step out of the car. "How long do lunches with Snow take these days?"

"Neal wanted me to rock him before his nap, then Dad came home and helped me pack the car."

I walk up to her and smile shyly, wanting nothing more than to pull her into a hug. But we're out in public, I'm not entirely sure on her stance regarding PDA, and we haven't even announced our involvement yet.

"I think, given the circumstances, that I can use a little magic to get your belongings into the house more quickly. I'd really like to show you the new sheets I found this morning for our bed."

My cheeks heat up at the mention of _our_ bed. Why is it I'm acting like some love struck dork around Regina? This is so weird!

"Emma? Are you all right?"

Grinning sheepishly, I nod. "Yeah, just got a little caught up in my thoughts. So about those new sheets…"

Regina chuckles and takes my hand, squeezing it gently. "Come on, sweetheart. Let me show you what I've been doing today while you were packing and spending time with Snow."


	14. Chapter 14

" _So tell me when you run, I wanna run with you  
Tell me where you hide, I wanna come to you  
Tell me where you go, I wanna go there, too  
Even if you fall I will go down with you  
I will be the one who comes to rescue you  
Tell me where you go 'cause I wanna be there, too_"  
\-- "Run" [Thompson]

 

The text message comes in at three in the morning, waking me from a fitful sleep. Emma's still completely passed out next to me, head resting on my chest and one arm wrapped possessively around my waist. Carefully reaching for my phone, I read the message with a mix of elation and trepidation.

           _Rumpel's awake and getting stronger. He wants to see you and Emma soon._

I don't even know what to type for a reply, but simply send her an acknowledgment of her message. I'll send more in the morning when I'm actually awake and coherent. My phone goes back on the nightstand and I wrap my arms around Emma, holding her close.

I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a very long day. We'll both need all the sleep we can get.

*****

We're sitting at the dining room table, coffee and scones at the ready while we read through the morning paper. Henry's already taken off for the day, having agreed to watch his uncle while Snow does some shopping, followed by more swordsmanship lessons with David. Before bed last night, Emma talked about wanting to take a run out by Henry's old castle, and I readily agreed to go with her. Belle's text message is forgotten and dismissed as a weirdly realistic dream until Emma looks at her own phone.

"Hey, I got a text from Belle last night," she says slowly. "At like three or so."

"Oh gods!" I say, reaching for my own phone. "I forgot to get back to her today."

"You got one, too?"

"Yes, it woke me up, but I clearly slept hard enough afterward that I forgot about it. I'm curious how he's doing, now that I actually think about it."

She's typing away on her phone, likely setting up a time to meet with Rumpel at the hospital. I sip my coffee and begin to worry about whether the imp will want his powers back or not. I'm sure he will. He's always had an unnatural attachment to them, and not just to keep him alive all these centuries. I highly doubt he liked the idea of losing that darkness when he did. But will Emma want him to have it back? Can she even give it back to him? And what will he be like afterward?

"You worry too much, Regina."

Glancing up, I'm not surprised to find Merlin sitting in Henry's usual spot. He smiles warmly at both of us, but I can see something lurking in his eyes that frightens me.

"No offense intended, but the fact that you're showing up as we talk about the former Dark One coming out of his coma is cause for worry, Merlin."

"Worry or relief?"

Okay, that's not an answer I'd expect, though I should with this man. He can be every bit as exasperating as the star of our discussion. But that doesn't stop me from pressing him for more information.

"How is it a relief? I mean, yes, there's a part of me that's glad he didn't die, mostly for Belle's sake. But after this long, perhaps he needs that eternal rest he's more than earned."

I don't realize the vein of vitriol in my tone until the cup of water appears in front of me. Without hesitation, I pick it up and begin to sip the water, letting its peacefulness wash over me. Emma reaches over to squeeze my hand.

"So, Merlin," she says, not letting go of me, "what are my options to get rid of this darkness? I know you said there was something major we need to do. Please let us do it. I have something worth living for and I don't want to lose it because the darkness takes over again. Plus, head!me and her insistence that I wear her outfit is kind of annoying."

He chuckles then. "Funny you should mention getting rid of the darkness. We're coming to the point where plans can finally be set in motion to right what has happened."

"Oh, okay," Emma says and rolls her eyes. "Because that doesn't sound confusing as hell or anything. Care to translate it into idiot for me?"

A laugh splutters up from deep in my gut at her words. "You're _my_ idiot, Emma Swan, no one else's." And then I blush at the audacity of my possessiveness.

Merlin's broad, knowing smile is a big indication that I'm not being very subtle, as well as the fact that he clearly approves. I'll take the approval, thank you very much.

"I know what it will take to remove the darkness from you, Emma. It would have been easier if you hadn't succumbed as you did, but we're still in enough of a light domination that this should be relatively easy to do."

"And if she'd succumbed more? Surrendered to the darkness completely?"

"That would require more drastic measures, to be sure, and a probable appearance by the original Dark One. In fact, if Emma had fully surrendered to the darkness, the original would definitely have found her way into this situation. Thankfully, that hasn't happened."

Emma shakes her head then and grabs the cup from my hand, downing the last mouthful herself. "You're telling me I'm not the first female Dark One? Then what the hell is so fucking special about me?"

"Your inherent light magic and need to protect others is powerful. Corrupting that to the darkness is the greatest coup for the forces you battle internally. From the inception of the first Dark One, you have been prophesied to be involved in the greatest clash of light and dark magic."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Is there _nothing_ that I can do in my life that hasn't been preplanned for me? What's the point of willpower and a sense of self if I can't even break out of fate's fist once?"

"The details have always been blurred from even my sight. Not even the great and powerful sorcerer Merlin has all the answers to everything. And yes, there are several things you have done that defied what was prophesied, Emma. You have forged your own path, even in the face of what was trying to control you."

"But…" She sighs and drops her head for a moment, and all I can do is rub the back of her hand with my thumb, trying to pour every ounce of strength I have into the simple touch. "So me becoming the Dark One wasn't actually planned then?"

"Not like this, no. This was a surprise to me, but not an unpleasant one. The minute I saw your reasons for taking on the darkness, I was released from my imprisonment. I tried to influence you at other points in your life, not just when you were in the movie theatre. Direct interference was frowned upon after that one time, but I was able to do things in the background to make contact with you a little easier."

Now I'm intrigued. "Okay, what would be required if Emma had fully succumbed to the darkness? What would we have to do to save her?"

As Merlin launches into a rehash of our attempts to harness and trap the darkness into the Sorcerer's Hat after it had left Rumpel, he explains where we went wrong, and why. The fact that Reul Ghorm has been duplicitous in so many important moments in Emma's life is both infuriating and at least partially expected. I've never truly trusted her and her sanctimonious explanations for things, including why I never was allowed a fairy godmother. Using my mother as an excuse for that is lazy and mean-spirited. My mother's treatment of me as a child is more than good enough a reason to allow me to have had a fairy godmother to help me. 

"No, Regina," Merlin says, and I'm startled to realize I actually voiced that last thought. "She wasn't entirely to blame for that. She lied to you about the reason behind the lack of fairy assistance and support, yes, but she wasn't allowed to interfere. Just as she wasn't allowed to interfere in how your sister was treated."

"So she _did_ know about my sister? And that means she knew all those years ago that Tinker Bell's spell was incorrect, but did nothing to stop it. Did she intend for me to become the Evil Queen?"

"Intend is a strong word in this case. It could have been mitigated, but Reul Ghorm has been known to follow some rules to an exacting tee to ensure fate's outcome is as it's meant to be."

"I fucking hate fate and everything that goes with it," I mutter darkly.

Emma presses the cup back into my hands, eyes silently pleading with me to drink it. Not wanting to allow that pain in her eyes to linger, I sip at the water and let it flush away the toxicity of my anger.

"At the risk of sounding dismissive, your fate was a means to an end in her eyes. She knew that Snow White and Prince Charming would bear the Savior, long before they were ever born. She was in charge of keeping Snow's family prosperous and good enough to eventually create the Savior. She also knew that someone from your family line would set the potential for the Savior's greatest strengths and powers, but through adversity and desperation."

"That's fucking bullshit," Emma growls, but refuses the cup when I try to offer it to her. "No, Regina, I'm fine. I just think this is a big bunch of insanity that we both would need to have the shitty childhoods we did, just so I could be this paragon of goodness."

"There's more to it than that, Emma," Merlin replies, and an ancient book appears on the table in front of us, open to a specific page written in a script I've only seen in Mother's and Rumpel's books. "Regina, can you read any of this?" When I shake my head, he gestures toward the book, and I watch as the symbols begin to transform into the alphabet I know best. "Better now?"

"What is this?"

"Another book from my personal collection, much like the book that your friend Belle just happened to find in the library. This one is even rarer. Reul Ghorm hasn't even seen this book in its entirety. But it tells the history of the battle for magical dominance that has resulted in Emma becoming the Dark One."

My eyes scroll down the page, drinking in the words. "So we wouldn't have been able to contain the darkness anyway?" And then I read a passage that turns my blood to ice. "I was supposed to be the Dark One and battle Emma as the Savior? Corrupt her to the darkness and destroy all the light in the world?"

Tears spring to my eyes as my brain refuses to truly assimilate this information. The thought of harming Emma sickens me, and this information only makes it worse. Even when I hated her in the beginning, I only wanted her incapacitated to ensure my curse wouldn't be broken. Never once did I truly want her dead. And now this… Jerking to my feet unsteadily, I let the empty cup fall to the floor and disappear in a cloud of purple smoke.

The last thing I see is the tears in Emma's eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

" _I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be_  
_So desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breathe_  
_Right before my eyes I saw, my heart it came to life_  
_This ain't easy, it's not meant to be_  
_Every story has its scars_ "  
\-- "Remedy" [Adkins/Tedder]

 

By the time I finally find Regina in her vault and convince her to let me in, she's completely beside herself with grief, anger, and self-recriminations. This is worse than after her mother was killed. I can't let her destroy her happiness because of her grief. She wouldn't let me do it if our positions were reversed.

"Regina?"

"Why are you here?"

"Because I love you and I'm worried about you."

She snorts, but won't meet my gaze. "Please! Now that you know the truth about me and what I'm capable of, I'd think you'd want to get rid of me."

I take a step closer, hand outstretched toward her. "You're stronger than this, Regina. And we're even stronger when we're working together."

She stares at my hand, still unable to meet my gaze, but doesn't move away when I take another step forward. "Why are you here, Emma?" The despair in her voice breaks my heart.

"Because I need you, Regina. You keep me from giving into this Dark One shit, you keep me sane, and you make me want to defeat this shit so that I can spend the rest of my life with you and our son."

"But I'm the reason you're the Dark One in the first place." She finally raises her head to look at me. The emotions in her eyes hit hard enough to feel like I'm suffocating. "You deserve better than the person who forced this on you."

"The only person who forced this on me is me. I chose to sacrifice myself to the darkness to keep you from succumbing to it. It would have killed you and all of the goodness that's in you, and you know it. You would have become the Evil Queen, or worse, and no one can say you deserve that and mean it. If they do, they're assholes and don't matter."

"But that book, the prophecy--"

"Doesn't matter."

"How can you say that?"

Moving the final step to stand directly in front of her, I reach out to wipe the tears from her cheek. "Because I believe it. How many times have I complained to you about hating that my whole life has been mapped out for me without my consent? And what did you say to me that day before we went and found Lily? Something about making our own destiny? If you let this destroy you, you fall prey to exactly what you don't want. But if you take my hand and _fight_ with me, you take charge again. We can do this, Regina, with Merlin's help. We can make sure that the darkness doesn't snuff out the light, and send it scurrying back into its corner to hide. But I can't do it alone."

Her eyes close as she leans into the hand cupping her cheek, more tears spilling from under her lashes. Her breathing slows, a sure indication she's trying to calm herself down. And I just stand there, not breaking the physical contact to this woman I love, ready to offer whatever support she needs.

It's in this moment that I realize that this is what's important. It doesn't matter what kind of magic I have, or if I have any at all. If I don't have the ability to love and to help another person in need, then I have nothing. I am the Savior, the one sent to break the curse and bring back the happy endings. I would gladly give my life to ensure that the happy endings happen, especially for this broken woman standing in front of me.

"I promised you that I'd give you your happy ending, Regina, and I think it's time to make good on that, don't you?"

"H-How?"

Instead of speaking, I lean in to press my lips to hers, the taste of salt and sadness heavy in the air around us. My movements are slow, steady, offering her the lead as she steps closer to mold her body to mine. Her tongue is insistent, and I part my lips to allow her entrance, mine stroking against hers reverently. My fingers slip back to massage the base of her skull, tangling in the hair there. Regina clings desperately to me, and sobs softly into the kiss. When she finally pulls back and rests her forehead against mine, I can feel a definite shift in her mood.

"I'm sorry, Emma," she whispers. "I'm sorry I gave up like that."

"You didn't give up, you stumbled. There's a huge difference. A stumble means you accept help to get back on your feet again."

"My hero," she says and brushes her lips against mine again. "Take me home, Emma? This place is too full of the past and failures to feel comfortable."

*****

When we get home again, Merlin is gone, but his book is still there on the dining room table. Regina pales slightly at the sight of the book, then busies herself with cleaning up the mess from our breakfast. I can't help but read over the two open pages, reading information about my life that is eerie in its relative correctness. No, not all of it's true, but there's enough that matches events in my life to make it creepy. And then I try to match the stuff about Regina with what I know of her life. It's a little harder to verify, but her earlier reaction is still fresh enough in my mind to prove that there's more right than wrong there, too.

Regina comes back into the dining room, and I can feel her admiring gaze caress over my back and profile. It brings a smile to my face and I shift to go wrap her in a loose hug. She leans into my chest with a soft sigh, then lets out an embarrassed giggle when her stomach growls loudly. She tries to move, but I don't let go of her.

"Emma?"

"You are not going to cook, Regina," I say softly. "You will sit on a stool at the island and drink something while I make us some lunch."

"But--"

"But nothing. You keep doing so much to take care of me, Henry, the town. Who takes care of you?"

She blushes and shrugs, but lets me guide her into the kitchen and give her a bottle of her favorite mineral water. We lapse into a comfortable silence as I whip up one of my favorite dishes. Regina tries to help out several times, but I kindly remind her to sit her ass down and relax. She mutters good-naturedly, and does as she's told. And when I plate up our food, she inhales it like she hasn't eaten in months.

"Where did you learn how to cook?" she asks when she finally slows down at bit. "This is fantastic."

"Fun fact, I can actually cook. I just don't like doing it for myself alone, so it's easier to eat out or do the microwaved crap."

"You're going to start cooking around here a little more often, I think. I could get used to meals like this."

I can feel my cheeks warming from the blush her words provoke. "Oh, come on, Regina! You're the master chef around here. I just know how to follow a basic recipe and have memorized a few that I really like."

She smiles and leans in for a kiss, tongue snaking out to lick up a bit of sauce at the corner of my mouth. "I don't care what you cook, but this was delicious, and I expect you to pamper your girlfriend on occasion."

"You're my girlfriend now, hmm?" My tone is light, teasing.

"Is there another word you'd prefer I use instead? I'm flexible." When I chuckle, she blushes. "Not what I meant, Emma!"

Before I can reply, I can sense a shift in the energies in the house. Regina must sense it, too, because she turns and stares out into the foyer. As one, we get to our feet and go to investigate. I don't think either of us is really surprised to see Merlin standing there. The tipless sword in his hand is startling, but not frightening.

"It is time," he says softly. "Do you trust me?"

Before I can fully consider the question, Regina's voice is unwavering as she says, "Yes."

"You're sure?"

She nods decisively and straightens her posture just the tiniest bit. Merlin's smile is genuine and proud.

"I am, too," I reply as his eyes shift to me. "I have no reason to fear you."

*****

The sickening swoop of poofing anywhere is still something I need to get used to. Maybe Regina and I can practice that more, once all of this is said and done. But that's neither here nor there right now. All that matters now is getting rid of this darkness in me. A small part of me will miss head!me, but not really.

"Why are we at the well?" Regina asks curiously.

"This place has the most potent magical connection to the enchanted realms. It was always meant to be a kind of portal, even during the curse, but Rumpelstiltskin dropping the True Love spell into it actually strengthened that connection. And let's not discuss the effects of the fairy dust."

Regina shudders. "Please, let's never speak of that hell again."

"I will say, Regina, that it was incredibly selfless of you to do that, knowing it could have killed you. That, more than anything else, was a potent shift in your personal paradigm. Even with the moral ambiguity of some of your later actions, you proved you had good in you that day."

I squeeze her hand, still impressed with that whole situation. She squeezes back and offers a shy smile. When Merlin moves, I notice that the bucket is full again and that sword is resting on the rim of the well. He beckons us closer and offers Regina the cup. She readily accepts it and drains it twice before handing it back to him. He then gives it to me, and I do the same.

"We're waiting on one more person to join us, someone that is necessary to this process, but felt the need to speak with you both first." He pauses, sipping at the water himself. Interesting, I've never seen him do that. "The process of removing the darkness from you, Emma, will be relatively painful. For that, I apologize and will guarantee that you have as much of this water, before and after, as you need. The original process involved reuniting the dagger to Excalibur--"

" _That_ is Excalibur?" Regina asks, hand unconsciously reaching toward the sword, but Merlin stops her.

"Any wound from this sword is fatal. Even the equivalent of a papercut."

She pulls her hand back quickly, as if burned, and stares at the blade in trepidation. "My apologies."

Merlin nods and continues, "Forging the two into a single blade again would imbue it with enough power to contain all of the accumulated darkness of the Dark One curse, trapping it for all eternity. This would return you to the Savior, Emma, and leave you filled with only the light magic that is your birthright."

"I don't care how much it hurts if it gets rid of the darkness."

"As I suspected you'd say. But we're not going to do that." He holds up a hand as I start to speak. "No, let me explain. There needs to be a balance of light and dark for true balance. I have struck an inescapable deal with Rumpelstiltskin to reclaim his place as the Dark One. The details are for the two of us only, but I can tell you that he has very strict rules to follow in order to keep the darkness and its power. If he breaks even the tiniest bit of one, he loses the power forever and likely his life."

"And he agreed to that?"

Regina starts to laugh, a dark sound that makes my guts twist. "Why am I not surprised he agreed to it? He loves his power, covets it more than anything else in all the lands."

"You've certainly got that _mostly_ right, dearie," comes Gold's voice from behind us. I whip around to face him, curious about his state of mind right now. "Power is the only constant in life. Love comes and goes." He almost sneers at our connected hands. "You'll learn that soon enough, I'm sure."

The growl forms low in my belly, but doesn't have a chance to escape as the cup is pressed into my hand again. I drain the glass, letting its powers and my slow deep breaths calm me. Gold smirks and moves toward the well, clearly intent on the sword, but Merlin stops him.

Once Regina and I have had enough water, Merlin offers some to Gold, who takes one healthy gulp, but no more. Merlin positions us at opposite ends of the well, with Regina between us, actually leaning back against the well itself. In her right hand is Excalibur, aimed at me; in her left is the dagger, pointed at Gold. Merlin whispers something to Regina, smiles at her response, then cups her face in his hands and leans in to press a kiss to her forehead.

Stepping back from Regina, Merlin meets my gaze for a long moment, then does the same to Gold. He starts to chant in a language I don't recognize, but I can see a glimmer of recognition in Gold's eyes. Perhaps this is that same language in the book. He continues to chant and, after a bit, Regina's voice joins his. He raises his hands toward her, then flings them outward to point one at each of us. I can feel something stirring in my belly, and it's not exactly a pleasant sensation. Suddenly, he claps his hands back together, sounding like a clap of thunder, then thrusts his hands at Regina again. I can see the burst of magic hit her chest and right between her eyes, where he'd kissed her. It looks and smells like a lightning strike, and her head snaps back with a loud cry.

The light practically consumes her, but it also licks out along both blades toward me and Gold. That sensation in my belly gets stronger, rising up to encompass my chest. It feels like I'm on fire from the inside out, burning alive as the dancing flames pull the darkness from me and funnel it into Excalibur, through Regina, and out toward Gold via the dagger. There's a kind of energy leaving him, too, but I can't tell what it is. Regina is shaking violently; if I didn't know any better, I'd swear she's having a seizure. But I don't have the strength or the ability to ask. It takes everything in me to stay on my feet as my body tries to burn itself out and escape through my chest.

I'm dimly aware that Merlin is still chanting and doing the hands thing again, but my eyes are trained only on the woman clearly suffering in the middle of this fucking maelstrom of power transference. I want to go to her, want to pull her into my arms and protect her like I promised I would. But still I remain rooted in my spot, expecting to see my teeth explode out of my mouth before this is over and done.

After what feels like an eternity, the fiery sensation grows even stronger and I pass out from the intensity.


	16. Chapter 16

" _And I wish you all the love in the world,_  
_But most of all, I wish it from myself._  
_And the songbirds keep singing,_  
_Like they know the score,_  
_And I love you, I love you, I love you,_  
_Like never before, like never before._ "  
\- "Songbird" [McVie]

 

Consciousness returns slowly, easing me into the reality of living again. Everything hurts, and I know that if I try to cry, nothing will come out. The same goes for any attempts at speech. There's a metallic taste in my mouth that is probably blood. The fact that my tongue hurts would corroborate this hypothesis. 

This is a worse pain than when I took in all of that fairy dust to allow Emma and Snow to come back to us safely. I'd wanted to die then, especially when I was left alone afterward while the rest of the town celebrated their heroes returning. Death might be a valid option right now. Who knows? Maybe I died in the process of trying to save Emma. It would be a fitting way to die, wouldn't it?

The soft sound of my own breathing feels loud in my skull, making my splitting headache even worse. But I can just make out the faint sounds of the forest around me. It hurts to concentrate on them, so I just stay absolutely still and float in this weird limbo.

"Regina?"

That voice sound familiar, and it doesn't hurt my head. I moan softly in response, but can't do anything more. A gentle hand cradles the back of my skull, bringing tears to my eyes as my head is shifted up slightly.

"Shh, it's all right, Regina. Just take a sip of this."

Something is pressed to my lips, and my lips part automatically. Sweet, cool water trickles over my tongue, well worth the pain of swallowing. I keep taking sips of the water as long as it's offered, and some of the pain gradually begins to recede.

"That's it. Now, I need you to open your eyes for me."

It takes some effort, but I do as asked. Everything is blurry initially, but Merlin's face slowly comes into focus. There's concern in his eyes, but a smile on his lips. I try to match that smile, but then my body spasms like when Greg Mendel tried to electrocute me. Without conscious thought, my body curls in on itself and to the side as I vomit up the water and whatever else is in my system. Great wracking sobs jostle my body even more, and blackness creeps in at the edges of my vision.

"Regina?"

That's Emma's voice. I try to say her name, but the sobs keep coming. I know it when she settles behind me and wraps her arm around my waist. Her lips kiss my hair and she murmurs something that I can't quite make out. But I relax into her touch as much as my body will allow, and my eyes flutter shut again.

"Merlin, is she going to be okay?"

"Time and rest will help, as will more of the well's water. But there is no quick fix for this kind of damage."

I can feel Emma shudder behind me, and wonder briefly if she's crying.

"She could have died doing that. She's put herself in direct lethal harm for me twice now."

"I promised her that I would do my best to ensure she didn't die, but that it would be a noble sacrifice if she did. She understood and still did what she needed to. She knew the risks, knew how important it was to save you, and she survived."

I moan softly, trying to tell Emma how much I love her, but it comes out as a garbled jumble of nonsense. And then, a gentle touch to my brow from Merlin brings the sweet oblivion of unconsciousness again.

*****

It takes at least a full twenty-four hours of straight sleep before I even feel the slightest bit normal again. Every time that I swim up into consciousness, Emma is right there at my side, offering gentle words of encouragement.

A full forty-eight hours after removing the darkness from Emma, I am able to sit up in bed without wanting to throw up. According to Emma, Granny is keeping me well supplied with her special chicken soup. Ruby brings it over each morning, enough to last the full day.

Apparently I have a lot of visitors to the house while I've been recuperating. Mostly Snow and David, but others have come calling, too. Apparently, even Rumpel came once to ensure that I wouldn't die.

*****

"Oh gods," I moan, squirming to get Emma's arm off my stomach.

She's awake instantly and sits up. "You okay, Regina?"

"Bathroom," I mumble as I stumble out of bed and mince my way to answer nature's call. Staring at myself in the mirror when I'm done, I look like shit. "Emma? Can you start the tub for me? I feel gross and need a shower, but I'm not sure I can stay on my feet for that yet."

Chuckling, Emma comes into the bathroom and presses a kiss to my shoulder. "If you want a shower, I can help you with that." And then our reflections blush in the mirror's surface. "I mean, I know we haven't--"

"No, I would love to have a shower with you. I've been thinking it about it all morning."

"A shower with me?"

"Just a shower in general. You're icing on the cake."

She turns me around and gently kisses me, tears glittering in her eyes. "What you did two days ago? I can never repay you for what you were willing to sacrifice to help me."

"You don't owe me anything, Emma. You took the darkness for me. That was just as reckless and risky a sacrifice as what I did. We're even, sweetheart."

She chuckles then, and leans in to kiss me. It starts gentle, but my suddenly renewed interest in living again makes me deepen it quickly, tongue seeking entrance to her mouth. My fingers move to tangle in her hair, and I growl at the braid she's taken to sleeping in. That makes her chuckle into the kiss and lean back to smile at me.

"Clothes off, while I start the water. We'll get you all cleaned up and, if you're up to it afterward, I think I want to make love to you. Consider it my one concession to repaying you for what you did for me, okay?"

"Who am I to deny such an eloquent request?" I ask, smirking at her, then tug her braid. "And this comes out, too."

"Yes, ma'am."

As I strip off the t-shirt and loose yoga pants, I pause and stare. "Emma? These aren't the clothes I wore that day."

"No, they're not." She won't meet my gaze, fiddling with the water temperature in the shower before turning to face me. "You've been through two different changes of clothes since then because of some puking issues."

"Oh…" That answers that. "And you were the one to change me?"

"Yep," she replies as she shakes out her braided hair. "Changed you, fed you, comforted you when you were upset. You were a mess, but I didn't leave your side unless I was peeing or getting you food. And then Henry usually sat with you. Once it was my mom."

Rolling my eyes, I finish undressing and step into the shower. A low, guttural groan escapes my lips as the hot water sluices down my body. It feels so incredibly good to get rid of what feels like years' worth of dirt and grime. Emma reaches for the shampoo and begins to massage it into my scalp and hair. Her fingers feel incredible, and I want to feel them all over my body. Kisses and light petting have sufficed us so far, neither of us wanting to pressure the other. I don't want to wait any longer. She turns me around to rinse my hair, and my hands move automatically to finish that task. 

Emma takes advantage of my apparent burst of energy and reaches for the loofah and my body wash. "You let me know if you need some support at all, okay?" she asks as she begins to run the loofah across my skin.

"All right," I reply, then moan softly as her hand brushes my left breast. My nipples pebble to hardness, the sensation waking other parts of my anatomy. "Did-- Did my body react oddly when you had to change me while I unconscious?"

She chuckles then and glances up at me. "Do you mean did your nipples get hard? Not when I changed you, but a couple times while you were sleeping spooned up against my chest. I figured you might be having some interesting dreams."

"I don't remember dreaming anything," I reply, feeling my cheeks warm with a flush of combined embarrassment and arousal.

"It's okay, Regina." She shifts to press a kiss to my lips, gentle and sweet. "I take it as a compliment, you know. You were comfortable enough with me while you were out cold that your body recognized me and reacted. And no, before you even think it, I did not take advantage in any way, shape, or form. I love you, Regina, and that's all that matters."

I surge forward the small space between us to press a demanding kiss to her lips, arms wrapping around her neck to hold her close. The things she does to me without realizing it… When I finally pull back, I smile. "Let's get this shower done, so we can go back to bed. I would like to celebrate both of us living through that ordeal in the most intimate way possible."

"If you need to condition your hair," she says, voice suddenly huskier, "then you should do that now while I wash you. When you're done, I'm going to take the fastest shower I've ever taken. And then, I'm going to towel dry my beautiful girlfriend and take her to bed."

*****

Stepping into the bedroom a few moments later, I flick my wrist to change out the bedding. There is no way I want to be making love to Emma on dirty bedding that I've been sick in. The action saps my energy a little bit, and I sway slightly on my feet. But Emma's right there with one hand cupping my elbow and the other one on my hip.

"You okay?"

Without realizing I'm doing it, I lean back into her solid presence. "I'm okay. I just forgot that I'm not able to just use magic freely quite yet."

She smiles and presses her lips to my temple, then guides me to the bed. "Lie down and get comfortable. I still haven't properly thanked you for taking such a major part in the removal of the Dark One curse from me."

"Emma--"

"No, don't try and downplay what you did. You could have died, even more than I could have. I am so honored and humbled by your sacrifice, Regina." She blinks back tears. "Please, just lie back and let me do this, okay?"

Surprised by the depth of her emotions showing, the words escape me, so I simply spread out my towel, then lie back and rest in the middle of the bed. Emma watches me before moving to dig in the bottom drawer of her nightstand. Lube, gloves, and a couple of foil packets are pulled out before she closes the drawer again. She smiles nervously at me and gestures to the small pile of items.

"I'm not saying I don't trust you, or you don't trust me, but I hope you're okay with playing it safe for a while. I'm-- Once we're both up to it, we'll get tested and--"

I reach up to press a finger to her lips. "I'm honored that you would do this, Emma. I'm not upset at all. I just want everything to be as close to perfect as possible for us."

"Me, too. I don't want to screw this up in any way."

Emma shifts to stretch out next to me as I pull her in for a slow, exploratory kiss. Her lips glide across mine easily, the interplay of our tongues lighting a lovely burn of desire deep in my belly. My fingers comb through her hair, and I love the sensation of those silk locks against my skin. She cups my face in one hand, caressing from hairline to jawline and into the hair at my temple with her lightly callused fingertips. The tenderness of her touch sensitizes my skin in ways I never expected.

Her teeth nip lightly at my top lip before she kisses a path along my jaw down to the sensitive spot just behind my left ear. Teeth and tongue tease languidly until I'm squirming from the sensations, and a nervous giggle bursts from my mouth.

"You okay?" Her whisper is rough with desire, so close to my ear, and I can only nod because I do not trust my voice to do anything but crack embarrassingly right now. "Good to know."

Lips moving down the column of my neck leave a trail of fire in their wake, and I tilt my head to the side to allow her free access, which she takes willingly. She sucks lightly at the pulse point near the curve where neck and shoulder meet until she starts to chuckle, likely remembering the times I made her promise not to leave a mark in the past. Her teeth barely graze my skin, but I can feel the sensation further down my body, both nipples tightening almost painfully. The hand that cupped my face adjusts its shape to the curve of my breast, my nipple rubbing against the center of her palm.

"Emma." The whispered moan of her name comes with a hitched breath, and I want nothing more than to let her lay claim to my entire body and soul.

"I know," she replies just as softly before tracing from collar bone to sternum with her tongue. She begins to place gently sucking, open-mouthed kisses to my other breast, repeatedly missing my nipple, no matter how much I shift to get her attention. Teeth and short, blunted nails trap both nipples at the same time, tugging lightly before letting them spring back into position. Over and over she does this, until my fingers tighten in her hair to keep her mouth in place. Emma's chuckle reverberates against my skin, sending another jolt of arousal further south.

"Fuck!" I mutter softly, back arching as the tip of her tongue flicks against my nipple, thumb nail lightly scraping across the other. "Emma, please…"

Emma shifts to sit up, slipping one of the latex gloves on. She smiles at me, and I can only imagine what I look like to her right now. I haven't felt a need like this in so long; I want it over with and to last forever at the same time. Kissing me again, Emma settles next to me and lets her hand glide down to rest over my pussy. My groan as her middle finger brushes my clit causes her to chuckle into the kiss. She traces along my lower lips, coating the latex with my arousal before returning to stroking against my clit. My eyes flutter shut at the sensations, hips moving with her rhythm.

"You're so wet," she whispers in awe, then eases two fingers into me. "Is this okay, Regina?"

I nod, unable to speak at first as my muscles clench around her fingers. My legs spread further, one knee bending in an attempt to get a little leverage to meet her movements. "Slow," I finally say with a dry mouth. "Slow and deep."

"I can do that."

Her fingers begin to move, and I moan in reaction. Emma returns to teasing my nipple with tongue and teeth, thumb rubbing my clit with varying pressure. It takes less time than I'd have thought to feel the tightening in my womb.

"Harder. Please, Emma."

She complies and shifts slightly to get a better angle, the tips of her fingers curling inward to brush against what I can only guess is my g-spot. The sensation is startling enough to elicit a sharp cry and a buck of my hips.

"Regina?" she asks, stilling her movements at my reaction.

"Do that again! Oh gods, do that again, Emma!"

With a knowing chuckle, she returns to fucking me, alternating when she curls her fingers for that sensation, until it's just too much and I shout her name loudly as I come. My body surges as my legs press together to trap her hand between them.

*****

The combination of Emma's incredible lovemaking and my body still recovering from that magical overload has me sleeping for several hours again after she brings me to two more orgasms. When I finally wake up, there's a glass of water and a plate of fruit and cheese next to the bed, and we're under the covers. Somehow I end up sprawled out on my stomach, Emma half-spooning me with her cheek resting against my shoulder blade and a leg tossed over mine in casual possession. I carefully reach up to grab a slice of cheese to nibble on, unwilling to completely leave this position we're in. It's comfortable, it's safe, and it keeps me grounded in the present with my love.

Tears well up in my eyes as I realize just how much my life has changed in the past few weeks, almost entirely for the better. Yes, there were some not so nice things that happened, but I can understand that they were necessary to bring us to where we are now. If someone had told me prior to three years ago that this is where I would be right now, in the embrace of the woman I can now easily say is my soulmate, and that I can have the life, the family I've always wanted, I wouldn't have believed them. But now? Knowing that True Love, although rare, isn't always romantic; and that finding someone who connects with me on such a spiritual level with my soul is even rarer, is enough for me to feel truly happy for the first time since… Well, since ever. I would gladly do it all again, the good and the not so good, if it means I will end up with Emma and our son.

"Thank you, Merlin," I whisper, knowing somehow that he can hear me wherever he's gone off to. "Thank you for showing us both the true depths of love and sacrifice. I won't let go of this gift willingly, not now, not ever."


	17. Afterward

" _True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion._  
_It is, on the contrary, an element calm and deep._  
_It looks beyond mere externals,_  
_and is attracted by qualities alone._  
_It is wise and discriminating,_  
_and its devotion is real and abiding._ "  
\-- Ellen G. White

 

If all we do is sit around, waiting for a sign, we don't live our lives. Conversely, if we actively pursue our lives, but ignore the messages provided to us, are we really open to the possibilities of all that we can achieve?

The gift of foresight may seem like a lovely thing to have. As someone who does possess the ability, trust me when I say that it's not all it's made out to be. You don't see everything all the time, but there are times when you see too much. You can't interfere in what is fated and set in stone, but you can influence the more flexible options. It's a matter of knowing what is and isn't mutable in the grand scheme of things.

Visiting Emma as a child got me in trouble for trying to change a fated action. Regina casting the dark curse was a fated action. Emma breaking that curse was also fated, but the exact circumstances of how she broke it were not. Pan's recasting of the curse was also unexpected, as was Regina's choice to share all of her memories of Henry's lifetime with Emma.

That last situation should have been a given to get them together, one of the possible scenarios to play out. But it didn't. These two women are stubborn and can be utterly clueless about things right in front of them.

Yes, Regina was meant to become the Dark One and battle the Savior borne of True Love. Yes, Emma changed the course of destiny by becoming the Dark One in her stead. And yes, the method I used to right the balance of light and dark was highly unusual and fraught with danger for all parties involved.

But it was successful and, therefore, worth the risks. Regina worried about nearly dying in the power transference we did. What she doesn't know, and hopefully will never learn, is that if she'd become the Dark One, she surely would have died in the battle between light and dark. I couldn't let that happen.

There are too many things left that Regina and Emma have to experience, both together and separately. Things that, if they don't happen, will irrevocably change future events, particularly in the lives of Henry and young Neal.

But for now, I am content to return to my tree with Excalibur and keep an eye on all of them. Waiting for a sign that I'll be needed again.

And Regina, if you ever find this, you're welcome. I hope you haven't taken this gift for granted.


End file.
